Being Upended

Help Justine Go To Camp

2011-07-11T14:37:00.005-04:00

http://helpjustine.weebly.com/

My sister-in-law made this site to help us out. We are too proud to ask but she took the ball and ran with it. Thanks Nichole!

Thanks to all of you for your love!

DP

Help A Family Adopt A Baby From Ethiopia

2010-05-08T12:34:00.007-04:00

Our great friends, the Courter family, are adopting a baby from Ethiopia! They need help with processing fees, etc. There is a way you can help! If you got to this site: http://www.justlovecoffee.com/thecourters and order coffe or whatever off of it, a portion will go towards this!

Please be part of this journey with them, whether you know them or not! This is a call from God they have answered and we should help!

You can also click on the link to the right of this page.

Bango- The Milwaukee Bucks mascot and the Best Dunk EVER!

2010-04-29T20:45:00.000-04:00

What is your limit?

2010-04-29T16:22:00.003-04:00

Wow... kind of let the blogging go, haven't I? Guess Facebook keeps me busy enough with my "updates."

My biggest thing that has been going through my head is this: It is said that we are not given more than we can bear; but I wonder, what about those that do break? Look at what has been going on: A guy in China starts hacking at a elementary school, we have students shooting each other, suicides... so much in this world that so many cannot take.

Lately I have been having a problem with dealing with stuff going on. No, I am not going psycho, don't worry. But I fear a depression has hit within myself. I won't go into details but it has derailed my faith and my perspective in life lately... not to the point where I don't believe in God but to the point of where I ask "when is enough... enough?!"

I know I am blessed with a great family, a great job and tons of friends and family that love me. But sometimes I hate it when things happen with Justine medically, stupid finances, cut hours at work... I know it is part of life but we all know it starts wearing. Like a river that cuts through a mountain. Eventually, the mountain starts wearing away.

I just don't want to be that mountain.

Some Halloween Fun

2009-10-09T21:23:00.000-04:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

QUEST

2009-09-09T18:05:00.007-04:00

What is Quest? Quest is a class that after completed allows any 8th-12th grade student either become a member or if they chose so, not become a member.

This course has been beautifully orchestrated in a "study book" that intertwines the scripture, prayer, discussion and small groups to help these young adults on their path to understanding many things with the most important being what it is to be a disciple of Jesus and having an authentic relationship with our God and Savior.

Here are topics that we cover through out this 18 week course:

Being a disciple
The Bible
God
Death and Eternity
Salvation
Prayer
Worship
Bible Study
Biblical community
Single-mindedness
Self-Sacrifice/Stewardship
Spiritual Gifts
Evangelism
Church- Who, what, when, where, why and how?
Mission Trip
Living it out

There is homework, discussions and applications that help scratch the surface of what it really means to be a disciple of Jesus and how to serve Him in the utmost love that we possibly can... and not just behind the walls of a church.

Someone asked me the a while back as to why I teach this class and what my passion is about it. I really did not have an answer right away. So I gave my churchy answer and said "I love working with the youth and feel this is my call at this time."

How generic is that! I probably had "DORK" all over my forehead at that time. I didn't lie or was unreal about my answer... it probably was just not authentic.

So here is my real reason why:

I remember going through a few years of catechism class and remember all the memorizing and homework. It was a chore... it stunk. I hated it. We were taking God's Word and learning someone else's thoughts and applications and pushing it upon ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to knock it or offend someone... it just was not for me. I had no problem reading the Bible or memorizing but no one ever taught me how to apply it to my life; I was taught that there was only one way to apply it to my life... and that what was said in the catechism was just a notch below God's breathed Word, the Bible.

Confirmation wasn't a choice, it was expected of me. There was no way that I could go to the school/church and not take catechism. I had to. No questions asked. After I sat in front of the church like a frozen robot trying to recite Martin Luther's explanation for certain things and some passages here and there for almost an hour I was accepted as a new member in the church. Then I was able to take communion for the first time as if this light bulb went off and all of a sudden I was "worthy".

I understand the logic and reasoning. The church wanted to make sure I understood what communion was and what the church meant before I could become a member. Here is the kicker though: I was 28 years old before I really started to realize what God meant to me and what the church meant. 14 years later...

So that leads me to this long drawn out explanation of why I am so passionate about our Quest program; because it is just that: a Quest. I believe it starts in our mother's womb, from the time of conception our Quest begins. After our delivery from that dark, warm womb into the brightness and darkness of our world here on earth our Quest heard from our parent's voices; the humming, the "I Love You" that whispers from their lips to the hands propped under ours learning to walk. From the first time we go to Sunday School, the first time in real school to our first field trip and seeing someone begging on the street corner. From seeing the brokenness of divorce, the hurt of getting the heck kicked out of you for sticking up for your friends. That first love to the first broken heart. The injury that caused temporary paralysis for a short time that felt like hours to the broken noses playing basketball. Leaving home at 15 to go to a school 300 miles away, then going to college 500 miles away and then joining the military and living 1000 miles away. Falling away from God and church because they were not needed; then becoming a father and husband with a new baby girl that just might not make it a day and then watching your daughter make the honor roll her 3rd grade year. Watching your son look, act and want to be just like you and know you are in his spot light everyday. Learning to see God in ALL of this.

And all I wanted, NEEDED, was someone, anyone to help me apply something to my life. At age 28 that happened for me. It could have been too late though... if I would have died before then can I say I would have been in heaven? Not with any good amount of confidence.

That is why Quest... that is why my passion.

(Thanks to Russ Martin for the picture)

Justine Going to Camp

2009-07-25T13:24:00.002-04:00

It has been a couple months. The busy-ness of life and kids and my job have really caught up to me this year. I feel so bad as I love to blog. Some people asked if I gave it up... I said no, just no time. Anyways...

Justine is on her way to Camp Victory which hosts Camp Spifida (short of Spina Bifida) that Justine is now on her way to. Tracy and her sister will be driving Jusitne 8 hours to the camp and then come back Sunday late. Originally they were going to take Christian and stay the night at some friends about 3 hours away but some family medical problems altered our plans (which is ok for me as I won't be without my family for the whole week). After the camp the plan was for them to pick her up next Friday and head down to Myrtle Beach for 5 days and then come home. That is still the plan... just altered. I still do not get to go to Myrtle Beach either... :(

So I won't see my girl for 2 weeks...

Here is what I would like, if you know Justine and want to drop her a letter of encouragement do so at this address:

Justine Porath, Camp Spifida
Camp Victory
P.o. Box 810
Milleville, PA 17846

Make Monday the latest to drop it off at the Post Office so she gets it! She is only there until Friday 10 am so her last day to get mail is Thursday.

If you want to see the website of the camp ground go to:
http://www.campvictory.org/index.html

Here is the website of the organization for her weekend:
http://www.campspifida.org/index.html

Thanks and God's blessings to all!

David

PS. Pics will be coming in the next week as I get them!

Restless

2009-05-04T22:51:00.004-04:00

My posting seems to have gone down hill lately. Kind of crazy times really...

In the past 2 months my supervisor/friend was let go from where I work and subsequently I took over the position. That was really odd at first but I know there are no ill feelings between him and I. So now I am a supervisor/senior tech of the service center. Some things have changed, some have not. It has been an adjusting period but I think I have adapted and am doing well. I really need to thank all my friends and pastors out there that have helped me "learn" how to lead or "unlearn" and re-evaluate what I knew. "Love your neighbor as yourself"- when I go into work with that attitude (which is most days) it seems to always go more smoothly.

Then there was Justine's surgery. Wow. That was crazy in itself. Number 17. That is how many surgeries that girl has endured and the number of times she has amazed me afterwards. Resiliency... that about describes every facet of her life.

Hands of Hope. Our wonderful mission. I have had volunteers for 10 out of the last 11 weeks bring and serve food. People are seeing the need and just wanting to love and serve each other.

Even with these hard but yet fully blessed times that my life has had lately I still feel restless... and I don't know why. I don't feel unsatisfied. I don't feel like something is left undone. The thing that kind of freaks me out the most is I don't feel or "hear" anything within myself pointing one direction or another. The calm before the storm? If it is supposed to be calm then why am I so restless?

For me it seems that everything has to have a purpose... really it does. God has a purpose for everything but maybe my need of control is blinding me with the purpose of restlessness...

Ugh... I don't know... just needed to vent. Maybe I will go and try and get some sleep.

Justine Update #3

2009-04-12T10:07:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter!! It is such a wonderful day to celebrate our Savior's conquer over death. Though we are hanging here in Cincy we know that rings true not just for us but for all the other families spending the day here with their kids as well.

Justine is doing well. She ate a great dinner last night (mac N cheese, etc) and a good breakfast this morning. So we know here appetite is back!! Yeah!

The Dr. just visited us and unfortunately he is not let Justine go home until tomorrow; but for good reasons. There may be a chance that there is an infection in her spinal fluid. If that is the case then we are looking at another surgery. They would have to take the new shunt out and drain the fluid into a bag until the infection is gone and then replace it again. He does not think that there is one but since there is a chance with one of the tests done we have to take all precautions. Plus they want to do a CT of her stomach area to make sure there is nothing wrong with what we originally came here for.

Is it bad news? I don't think so. More disappointing news right now. We really wanted to be able to go home today but it is better that we know nice and early and not later in the day.

Right now the plan is for Christian and I to go home today so we can go to work and school tomorrow and come back down if needed. Hopefully Justine will be able to come home tomorrow and we can all just be at home.

We ask that you pray for healing, for the doctors, nurses and all the families here at Children's today.

Happy Easter! We love you all.

Justine Update

2009-04-11T11:34:00.002-04:00

Well, the surgery is complete and seems to be a success. They had to do it the long way. They had a problem with both the mechanism and the tube. They replaced the shunt in her head and then had to pull the old tube and replace it with a new one. This time, they did put the tube down her chest instead of through the intestines.

She is in some pain and uncomfortable right now. Some in the stomach where they took the old tube out, some in the upper part of the chest just below the shoulder and some in the head. The Dr said she would be uncomfortable in her chest for a little time but will go away eventually.

Tonight we have another CT done and see where we are at with what here ventricles in her head looks like... if they are good there is a very good chance we could be home tomorrow.

Thank you everyone for your concerns and prayers. Our family appreciates each and every one of them and you. We ask for you to keep praying for a speedy recovery and for all the other kids in the hospital today too!

More updates will be coming!!!

Justine's Surgery

2009-04-11T08:33:00.002-04:00

Well, it has been about 6 years since an "emergency" surgery has come up. The past 6 years have been graciously planned surgeries; however, this one came as a "surprise".

Tracy brought Justine to Children's for a bowel problem that has been persistent in the past month due to bad constipation. On the way down and during the check up in the ER Justine was complaining of headaches where her shunt is located. We decided to do a CT to make sure it was working correctly and her ventricles were fine in her head (the shunt regulates the spinal fluid around the brain; Justine was not born with a natural "valve" and had to have a shunt put in to regulate it or extreme brain damage and death could occur). The test showed failure. This prompted an emergency call to the neurosurgeon and has put us where we are now: sitting in the waiting room while they figure out and fix her shunt.

This looks like it will be a 2 hour surgery but could become longer depending on the malfunction. The will start from the top and go down, literally. The shunt is actually located on the back, right side of her head. A tube then strings down into her intestines. We are hoping that it is just he mechanism in the head because it will be an "easier fix" and can be done in the shortest time. If it has to do with the tube either alone or together with the mechanism then we are looking at a longer surgery and a different placement of the tube, possibly through her lungs, due to the past surgeries with her stomach and intestines.

That is where we are right now at 8:40 in the morning. We are trying to update everyone and hopefully it will be a shorter surgery than a longer one.

How is Justine? This one was hard. When she was younger it was all about trust. She knew daddy would keep her safe and she trusted me. Now she is older. She is thinking things through. She knows it is not easy. She trusts me but she questions everything else. She cried today. I had to hold it in. I cannot even describe the brokenness in me today. A daddy's love wants nothing more than to take his daughter's place and not let her feel the pain. Even with this being her 17th surgery it is just as hard as her first one the day she was born. I just wish...

You know, the scars on her body may seem odd to some but to me they are the beauty marks, the scars of her faith. She may be scared but she knows Jesus is with her too. That is what is so wonderful about my girl.

Until the next update...

Keep praying. God is good.

Could you do this?

2009-03-31T16:47:00.004-04:00

You want to see real faith and love at work? Read this article:

http://www.detnews.com/article/20090328/SPECIAL02/903280339

I have no other comment other than I hope that I can be that forgiving, that loving and that faithful of a man someday.

Please, pass it on.

Obama's comments

2009-03-20T21:29:00.011-04:00

Last night on Jay Leno's show Obama made a statement that pretty much upset a few million Americans. While on the show he was talking about his 129 point bowling score and then compared it to Special Olympics. First of all, coming from the position that he is now seated at, I am disappointed of the stereotyping that came out of his mouth. Second of all, for him to not come out himself and publicly apologize for making such a blatant disparaging remark (especially concerning his own minority, ethical background) is disappointing to me.

See this link, it has video: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7955842.stm

Let me let you in on a little secret known to all of the real working America... if that statement was said in our workplace he probably would have been disciplined in one of 2 ways: either a written reprimand or visiting the unemployment line. I know in my work place it is absolutely not tolerated to talk like that about anyone... ever... regardless of race, religion, creed, disability... anything!

Another thing that is disappointing is Tim Shrivers comments:

"He expressed that he did not intend to humiliate [the disabled] population," (then he should apologize himself; this is like me sending my wife to work to apologize for my screw up the day before)

"I think it's important to see that words hurt and words do matter," he added. "And these words that in some respect can be seen as humiliating or a put-down to people with special needs do cause pain and they do result in stereotypes." (Duh... you would think he would know this already)

Here is the one that gets me...

"He thinks that the Special Olympics are a wonderful programme that gives an opportunity to shine to people with disabilities from around the world,"

Sounds good doesn't it? Here is the problem... we don't want people to see our loved ones in a programme that let's them shine... we want them to shine in life and at work, and in their own homes, and to be treated like normal people. The Special Olympics are awesome; Justine loves to participate... but that is one time a year. Life is everyday.

Am I any better? Heck no. Am I guilty of saying stupid things? Yes, I am. Am I any better than he is? No way.

But then I am not President of the best country in the world. I am a supervisor in a computer factory and we hold ourselves in a very high standard... you would think the White House would hold themselves even higher. But then this is politics...

Maybe I am taking it all out of context... maybe I am just a little ticked off... I guess I will just have to pray even harder for our country and its leaders.

I will make my next post more positive. Had to get this off my chest.

DP

In the Name of Love

2009-01-26T08:27:00.006-05:00

Last week I led a team of 30 people to Nashville, TN to serve in various aspects. Most of them (19) were youth (one 6th grader, one seventh grader, 11 8th graders and 6 senior high students). We do this every year during Martin Luther King weekend since the youth are off of school on Monday. It works out great.

We do this mission as part of our membership class for our church. They go through a 16 week study of the Trinity, God's grace, church, missions, evangelism, baptism, the Lord's Supper among many other things we talk about. One of main points we drive into them is to live their life as Jesus' disciple; to learn from Him, to be like Him. We teach the importance of being in the Word and doing things because of the love we should not only have for Jesus in our hearts but for everyone, no matter the circumstance. One of the last things is getting out of our town, our own elements, and doing something away.

This year we kicked it off as we always do. I have a great friend named Bob Lord that has a mission called The Lord's Chuckwagon. He feeds homeless on Fridays and Saturdays at around 11 am. He and his wife Gretchen started this mission years ago and we "stumbled" across it through friends about 5 years ago. He is a direct inspiration on both Tracy's and my life.

This year was different though. On Christmas Eve, Gretchen went to be with the Lord. It was hard for many of us that met her and had the privilege to get to know her. She loved people, no matter what they had done. It was hard not to see her on that Saturday but instead of being melancholy about the situation I decided to just love on Bob even more. And so did the youth... they were so passionate about what they were doing that morning. Just an incredible time and yet the presence of Gretchen was there... not in a supernatural type of way that people like to think but in the eyes, the hearts and the hands of those we served. They served us that day just as much.

After that service, we split into 2 groups- one went to an inner city school to do cleaning and renovation. I took another group to a government assisted tower for the elder and disabled. What I experienced I still am in disgust and awe at...

The youth were split with adult leaders and I went with Tracy and my 2 kids. We all went to different apartments fulfilling tasks that were needed and to make conversation. The first couple apartments were weird. One lady said we were not suppose to be there until next week and shut the door on us. Tracy and I looked at each other with that "oops" type look on our faces. The next person was not home. We were down to one more apartment on our list with 3 hours to go.

We met JoAnn at the 3rd apartment. She was in the middle of making spaghetti that was going to be her lunch and supper. She said she did not have the energy to cook twice in a day so she would make one big meal for the whole day. Her ticket said that she need "basic cleaning." By the looks of her kitchen, she need a little more than basic.

So as we introduced ourselves and had a 10 minute get-to-know-you session we decided to get cleaning. I was starting in the kitchen. I don't mind the kitchen and Tracy hates it so I started there and she started in the bedroom. Well, the bathroom is connected to the bedroom and Tracy soon came out asked me if I could do the bathroom and we would do the kitchen together after. She said the bathtub was pretty dirty and she could not scrub very well... she needed "man power." Sigh... ok. I hate cleaning the bathroom but ok.

**Flashback** Earlier in the morning we had a group session with all the youth on what to expect, questions to ask and not to ask, etc. I used I Cor 13 as a basis for the day. You know that one... "Love is patient..." It says in that chapter that we can do all these things but if there is not love in the actions they are just actions. God wants us to do things out of love and not because we think we have to or to try and attone for things because we all know it is only by grace we are saved.*********

Back to the story...

I go into the bathroom and that was the most scum I have ever seen in a tub. All we had was wash cloths, not scratch pads. Luckily I had Comet! I soaked the tub in water and added Comet. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I rinsed it all out and there was still too much left. It did look better but I was not satisfied. So I whetted the tub again and put more Comet on it and decided to let it sit. So I decided to head over to the toilet clean that.

I reached over for the toilet cleaner and 409-type product to clean the toilet. Then I noticed it. On the side of the toilet that I could not see and under the seat was caked in poo. I looked at it in total dismay. So what was the first thing in my mind? "Oh, hell no! I don't even have any gloves!" I am being brutally honest here. That was my first thought. Then came something I have never really experienced before:

This voice in my head said "What was it that you taught this morning? What was it you said? You don't have to like doing this, just love the person you are doing it for."

At that time Tracy came in and saw I was in dismay. She asked "What?" and all I did was point at the toilet and the floor and said "Crap." in a whisper. She said "I will get it" and I said "No, I have to."

So there I went. I cleaned the toilet, the floor and finished the tub. I listened to what God was telling me. I did not like cleaning the crap but I did it out of love for my Jesus and for JoAnn. I prayed while doing it. I prayed for her, I prayed for me, I prayed for my family, for all the others serving today that they meet God as I had, in midst of all the dirt, grime, scum and poo.

I was completely humbled that day. Not only did God give me words to teach the youth that day but He had me perform it too. Not only did he show up to us in the clean and comfort of the place we were staying, He showed up in the midst of everything nasty that we were doing. Not for us, not for our salvation but for Love. This Love is not just the feelings or the actions but in this instance it is the name of Jesus.

And I learned Love in a whole new way that day...

The Real Santa Showed Up On Christmas Day (The Christmas Memorial Part 2)

2008-12-30T19:46:00.006-05:00

So, this is the 2nd part of my blog. This one is where you see the "presence" I was talking about.

After a really cool Christmas Eve service, we came home and we survived the family at the house exchanging gifts. We did not get the kids down until late. But that is ok as we thought we could just sleep in.

We did in fact, until the sound of barking dogs echoed our house at 7:45 am that is. This does not usually happen unless someone is walking up the ramp to the front door. Startled, I jumped out of bed and used my usual phrase "Holy Crap!" What a way to start Christmas, eh?

Anyways, Tracy looked out the bedroom window but sees no one, nothing. So I go to the living room, look out our big bay window and I see nothing. Jake, our big 12 year old black lab, just gives me that sigh and plops back down to rest his old bones somemore. Montana, our 1 year old black and white boarder collie, is bright eye and bushy tail and needed to pee. So now I sigh (cause I want to rest my old bones) and put my slippers on and get my coat. I open the front door and then I see something.

A trash bag.

Though I did not have a mirror, I am pretty sure I had that stupid-deer-in-the-headlights type look on my face. So now I am confused and think "Do I call in the bomb squad?" with that smirk on my face (no longer looking like a deer).

I bring the trash bag inside and sit it on the floor and look at it. Tracy walks in, puts her hands on her hips and looks at it too. It is about 18 inches long and 12-15 inches wide. Thin. Very light.

So I open it, still a bit confused and out comes this beautiful painting. I cannot describe it, so here is a picture:

Words cannot describe our feelings; however, the questions were flooding our minds: Who? Why? What?

I look in the what has gone from a trash bag to gift wrap and see this letter:

"At 4:00 this morning God called me to paint this for you and your family. I know that you are going through a hard time now, but God wants you to know that He is there for you and will always be watching over you. He wants you to know that He will never give you anything you cannot handle. When you feel despair and grief coming over you, pray to Him and He will bring you comfort. My prayer for you and your family is this:

Lord, please bless this family on this Christmas Day; give them the strength they need. Lord, help this family to enjoy this day and use it, to not only honor you but to also honor and remember the loved one that they have lost. Lord, bring a sense of peace over this family so they may be overcome by your spirit and the true meaning of Christmas. For you are the Lord of Lords. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

May you do what you want with this picture but may you always remember you are loved by not only the people around you but also by God; for you and your family are all his children."

Need I even type what my feelings were/are? I will tell you this much: Tracy and I were gearing up for probably the most emotionally draining Christmas in our lives. We expected joy, tears, maybe some anger but instead we were filled with God. Christmas was full of laughing, remembering, praying, loving... and though we missed Rosemary so much God filled that void too.

And it all started with a gift. A real gift. One that will never leave our family unless God Himself directs us to do so. It will always remind us of God's love and why He sent His only Son; so Rosemary could go and live with Him and someday we will too.

Christmas will never be the same. And that is a good thing.

A Christmas Memorial

2008-12-30T19:24:00.003-05:00

Wow, it has been awhile since I have blogged. I have just been so busy with going back to my old/new job, taking care of the family, Christmas and all the other stuff going on in life.

In the midst of all this, and probably the most profound thing, is that my mother-in-law, Rosemary, left this world and started a new and glorious life in heaven on December 13th. Don't get me wrong, this was a very hard time for us. And it is such a big story with a big presence, I hope you see it in all of this.

We had the memorial on December 20th, a Saturday afternoon service. It was absolutely beautiful as people shared on Rosemary's life and her servant's heart to children all around this area. Scripture read was Psalm 73:26, John 3:16-17, Psalm 119:105. All beautiful and inspiring scripture, the way she liked it. Music included "How Great is Our God" and "Beautiful One", two of her favorite songs. Our good friend Susan sang "You Raise Me Up"; we were so thankful for her beautiful vocals.

I was able to read something I wrote for all to hear from her brother Uncle Marty for New York, we also heard from a friend from Pennsylvania. I was also priveledged to share my heart on someone I absolutely loved and adored.

Finally, at the end of the service, we ended it with "Away in a Manger", "Silent Night" and then, after communion was served, we lit the candles and sang "O Come all Ye Faithful."

It was truly a celebration not of Rosemary (though she was definitely included) but that of God, His plan in her life and the love He shows each and every one of us.

Here is what I read to everyone there at the memorial from our family:

Psalm 119:105- Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

There are so many thoughts and memories we can share with you. For instance, the Myrtle Beach trips we would take with her; most of you know that she loved the ocean. That was her time of solace, her time of peace and tranquility. She loved having us there with her to relax and just be with Justine and Christian. From playing in the sand, to walking around Broadway on the Beach, watching the kids ride roller coasters, to eating at the Pier and watching the sunrise and sunset while reading a novel, Rosemary enjoyed every minute of the week long vacation we would take to Myrtle Beach.

Today, in light of the holiday spirit, we want to talk to you about Rosemary’s favorite time of the year: Christmas. She loved this time of the year. She was pretty sneaky with it too. She would go shopping with Tracy all the time and conspire what to get me and Nichole. Then she would go with Nichole and figure me and Tracy out. Then she and I would get together and figure out the girls. She would do this from Thanksgiving on and never ever get anything confused and would have everything so perfect for that Christmas. Rosemary and Tracy would make up an excuse to go away for a weekend shopping in Columbus and knowing that it was probably for me and kids, I was ok with that.  Oh, but did Rosemary love to give. She never really asked for anything either. We would ask her for a list and she would just say “Oh, nothing. Spend it on the kids.” Like good kids, we would genuinely disobey.

Rosemary loved Christmas though, not because of the presents, but because of the love it represented. She loved to give to anyone through out the year but this time of year was just extra special for her. She never did it to gain status for herself; she did it because she truly, genuinely loved every friend, family and person she met. I know that if she could, she would have given something to every family she served and came in contact with the 25+ years she was in the teaching field.

I will end this with one final story. Last Saturday, when we found out she went to be with Jesus, Christian was very upset because he could not give his Christmas gift to his grandma. He insisted that he had to so she could take it to heaven with her. We decided to let him and Justine go and say their goodbyes. In the room, I saw Christian unwrapping his present to Rosemary and in his small hands there was a small, white candle; his final gift to his grandma.

I hope you see the symbolism in that story. It was at that time God told me she was at peace and that all is well. It was at that time He reminded me what Christmas was about and why Jesus came to be born. He reminded me that His light forever shines in this world, even in death. It was at that time that He used Rosemary as He has for so many years throughout her work and her life to shine His light to her family and this community.

So we see this memorial as a final Christmas gift to all of you, her family, her friends, her students past or present not because she wants to be recognized but because of the love she felt for each and every one of you.

Why I Quit My $40,000 A Year Job

2008-11-18T09:20:00.014-05:00

It has been just a wild and crazy ride for me lately. I mean, look at the title of this post! I must being going loco, that's for sure. Why in the world would I give a job that is paying $40,000 a year with a company car and a gas card to go back to being paid a lot less and me having to look for a car? Am I losing my freaking mind? I have been debating my choice for the past few weeks now. I hope that I can explain this to all my friends and they may have a glimpse into some special... something human... something loving... something spiritual.

In February I left my "old" job of 10 years to pursue my dream of working in an IT department. It wasn't your typical IT department, we not only took care of our own needs, we were hired by other companies to take care of their needs also. It was fun. I got to drive around and take care of other peoples needs. Some days I did not drive far (just to work) and other days I drove 100-150 miles. Some days were 8 hours and others were 10-11. It was fun, some new stuff.

Lately, I have been feeling that the job just was not right for me. After the past couple days of giving my notice and talking to the owner of why I was resigning I came to the conclusion that it was not that I did not fit the job but the job was not fitting me. Not just in me but in my spiritual life and family life.

Over the following months I started to become more disconnected with things. I was engulfed in my work. I would come home and do research and get ready for the next day. Sometimes I would be up until 10 or 11 just doing "work". My time with the family started to dwindle. I spent more and more time on the computer, looking stuff up I had not had time earlier in the day or just trying to expand my knowledge. So, I would get home between 4-5 on normal days and continue working at home. Less and less time being spent with the family. See where this part is going?

As time continued on I started to disconnect more from God. I have these 2 great ministries that I coordinate; Hands of Hope and Quest. These 2 ministries started to get put on the back burner too. For Hands of Hope, our weekly lunch for those in need, it went from planning it through a 7-10 window to planning it the night before. I went from actively recruiting others to become a part of this great ministry to just "letting it fly." This is no way I intended to be part of these ministries as I am also sure this is no way to coordinate these ministries. Though it looked on the outside that these things were "good", I was failing miserably.

This is no way the fault of my employer but a fault of my own. I let the worldly things get the best of me. Instead of realizing it and trying to fix it... I embraced it. I became what I did not want to be... the world. I was foolish with money, I was undisciplined in my spiritual life, I pushed away my family... and for what? My dream. I failed to remember that my dream was part of God's direction at one time and I contaminated it. His dream for me, for all of us, is to be successful not only in our jobs and daily lives, but more importantly in our spiritual ones. Let's face it, we will be here maybe 70 years but are to be using that time to prepare us for a lifetime in heaven.

Why not fix it? Why "move on"? Because this is what I need to do. Get back to the basics. I need my time with my family, I need time with my ministries, I need time with my God. My "dream" job was taking over those times, I had to stop my free fall. I had to get back to God's dream, not my dream.

So now I try to reinvent myself. Not as a person but as a disciple. I need to bring myself back to wanting to learn from Jesus to be more like him. I am not sure how it will happen but it has obviously already begun. God is so much bigger than our own plans. I think we all ignore his great design because we are so blinded by our own.

So, where do I go from here? What does my very near future hold?

I am going back to my old job at Systemax. A door was opened and it was at the time I realized what was happening. They were very gracious and happy to have me back. So for now I step from the front and slide to the background. I go back to what I love to do, just fix computers. The nuts and bolts of everything. The hum of the fan, the grind of the hard drive. It will be like I never missed a beat.

I will also get back to the basics with my family. Homework, games, talking, playing, singing... anything to show my love again.

I will streamline my spiritual life. Get back into the Word, read other books, more discussions, pray more and get my ministries where they should be.

What has all this done for me? How do I feel?

Wow, the feelings are so scrambled right now: sadness, guilt, joy, renewed. I am so humbled by all of this. I think the biggest emotion is that I need to overcome is that I feel I failed my boss, Mike, who trusted me with this position and spent many resources over the past 10 months for this IT department. I know that it has been just as hard for him especially since we go to church together. I will never regret my decision in February. There was an honest and loving motivation with everything. I just fell short. I completely confess that. No more middle ground. I have to rely on God, not myself. It is time to right the ship. Right now I am running back to where I should be spiritually even though I am giving up my dream. Ultimately, that a dream is still there, it may not be earthly, but heaven is still there.

Play

2008-10-31T19:23:00.002-04:00

It got up to 70 degrees today according to my car thermometer. It was a gorgeous day. It felt like spring all over again. Too bad the winter is just beginning.

When I got home I sat and looked out the kitchen window and just watched Christian play with the neighbors for about 10 minutes. It brought back so many memories. All the times that I, as a kid, would come home from school and knock out the homework so I can go and just unwind and play. Hard.

That is what Christian was doing. It was neat to see. He would stand there and wait until the last second... then BANG! he was at a dead sprint running after everyone. Not sure what they were playing, but it looked fun.

The I started thinking. Why don't I play anymore? Why does life have to be so darn serious? Why is it that all I do is work, worry about bills and volunteer for things? Why don't I make time to play?

I am not talking about a 1/2 hour quick game on the PS2 or Wii. I am talking about real play, moving around playing ball or whatever... why can't I find time to do this? Maybe it is time to check myself out again; to recheck my priorities.

It is time to play.

Knuckle Sandwhich x2

2008-10-14T21:44:00.002-04:00

Wow, I do not even know how to start this post. I have no lead in and no conclusion. So I will just get to the meat in the middle.

I got home today from a late day at work (so busy I actually did not get a lunch either) and Christian and Tracy were sitting on the bed. I walked in the room to see what was so serious because that is what nosy dad's do.

Well, the first thing brought to my attention was the little red circle on his cheek bone. I inquisitively looked at Tracy and I was informed that my son got popped not once, but twice while leaving school. He told me he bumped into someone trying get out of school by the lockers and this boy gave him the old knuckle sandwich.

So, as I was about to ask if Christian gave him his best shot back, I got the look from Tracy and ended up asking "what happened next?" Christian told me that he found a teacher and the boy took off.

So as I told him "Good job. That was a great choice" my mind was racing with thoughts like "Who was he? Was he bigger? Why the heck did you not get your shots in? Why the heck did you let him hit you twice. Kick his a&#!!!"

You see, the former cop in me started thinking of ways to teach Christian how to put him in an arm bar, then take his foot and plant it in the side of the kids knee to get him on his stomach in a prone position and then bury his knee in the kids back with about 95% of his weight pushing on it. That usually makes someone calm down and get off your back. :)

Ah, but the new, kinder, gentler me (thanks to some great 11 years of brain washing from Tracy) has decided to play it nice and teach Christian that it is OK to stand up for himself and defend himself. We told him that if it happens again that he needs to do the same and find a teacher.

As I am thinking "For now".

In all seriousness, I am very proud of him. He told me "Dad, I did not cry. I got off the ground and walked away." He is a good kid and it sounds like that this other kid is 2 years older. I just hope that Christian comes away with more than that there are bullies in the world. I hope he does not get scared by all this. I think some way or another we all have been pushed around in the world but our natural self defenses kick in. I just hope his doesn't kick in like Ralphie Parker on "A Christmas Story"...

Words cannot say what pictures can do...

2008-10-14T09:20:00.004-04:00

My angels:

Maybe not...

Miss You Pops

2008-10-08T10:22:00.030-04:00

There will be kind of a different theme today; more of a memorial really. I am not sure why I am driven to this today but nevertheless, I am so here it goes.

It was 3:15 pm five years ago today that a life altering event shook our family. This was the day that dad won/lost his battle with cancer. He lost because physically his body could not handle it anymore, it engulfed him, became him. He was victorious because he faced death, gave his last breath and ran into heaven full speed never to be scarred from our earthly disabilities any more.

It has been a different five years to say the least. Dad missed my 30th birthday, missed Justine getting on the honor roll, missed his 35th anniversary, and missed the birth of his last two grandchildren. As I write this I have to wonder, did he miss it or do I miss him missing these things?

I don’t believe I am still in a “grieving” stage. I think I am more at a memory stage now. Though this day makes me sad in some ways I still feel alive and hopeful that one day I will be able to be with my father again.

Unfortunately we have to go through that last trial here on earth called death. I hate that we all have to go through it but we won’t do it alone. I think that is when Jesus will be closer to us more than ever before. He will be there with arms wide open showing us the way. What more can we ask for? This life on earth will never give us more than cheap thrills and hard times. So how do we overcome this waiting for our time of death?

James 1:2-3- Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Psalm 56:13- For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

John 5:24- I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.

Revelation 2:10- Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Can we ask for more of an answer? Let me be frank a moment… death sucks. I hate it. I hate to see someone go through it and I hate that I will have to go through it. The point of what is at hand is that we ALL will have to go through it. It may be tomorrow, next week, in 20 years or when we are 90 but it will happen.

Maybe it is all about preparation, learning from the past. Think about it. Maybe watching and experiencing a loved one died helps prepare for our own death, maybe more than what we know! Maybe learning to let go of those gone helps us to let go of those who live when it is our time.

If there is one thing I want to communicate is that Jesus is our path, our get out of jail card, for getting into heaven. “It is by grace you have been saved through faith.” I want you all to know that as I remember my dad today it is not in mourning or grief, it is in love, remembrance, hope and knowing that through Jesus I too will be in heaven when I have to look old death in the eye with my Savior by my side and my dad waiting to greet me.

I miss you pops. Thanks for teaching me still, even after you are gone. I love you. See you soon.

It's Monday:

2008-10-06T07:32:00.006-04:00

It has been a crazy week and I have not been able to post in awhile. With some issues at school with Justine, Tracy's mom in a rehabilitation part of Dorothy Love nursing home (and calling us at weird/late times at night), my heater/AC almost dying, my son pushing his independence on me and 3 of my favorite teams losing this weekend, this is all I could muster to post:

Don't you feel like this guy? Realizing what you thought was there... really wasn't?

Or what about this:

Sometimes I feel like getting my gear on and doing this:

Finally, here is my useless piece of info I collected off my email this morning. Had to pass it on to you.

Someone who habitually picks their nose is called a rhinotillexomaniac (rhino=nose, tillexis=habit of picking at something, mania=obsession with something).

Hopefully this made your day in one way or another; if not, I will happily refund the money you paid me. :)

Weird... Dimented... huh?

2008-09-26T07:57:00.004-04:00

Check out this link. I saw this on Todd's Blog, a good friend of mine, and just had to pass it on to you!! Beware, it is just... weird.

Oh... and my dumb cartoon of the day:

Do you ever feel this way?

2008-09-24T11:05:00.002-04:00

Some random thoughts today...

2008-09-23T08:11:00.002-04:00

For my sinus problems today:

Quote of the day:

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. -George Carlin

And Finally...

Odd laws

During the 6th Century, it was customary to congratulate people who sneezed because it was thought that they were expelling evil from their bodies. During the great plague of Europe, the Pope passed a law to say "God bless you" to one who sneezed.

There still are some weird laws on the books. In Washington state, it is against the law to boast that one's parents are rich. In Maryland, it's illegal to play Randy Newman's "Short People" on the radio. In Alabama it is illegal to play Dominoes on Sunday. And in Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.

In 1313, King Edward II enacted that "You are forbidden from dying in parliament."

An old statute in Kentucky states that men who push their wives out of bed for inflicting their cold toes on them can be fined or jailed for a week. A 100-year-old law in Willowdale, Oregon makes it illegal to swear during sex. An odd law in Minnesota makes it illegal to hang male and female underwear on the same washing line. In Melbourne, Australia it is illegal for men to parade in strapless dresses - but they are allowed to cross-dress in anything with sleeves.

An old law in Russia allows a police officer to "beat a peeping tom soundly." In Texas, two categories of men are exempt from peeping tom charges: men over 50 and men with only one eye.

A pregnant woman can urinate anywhere she wishes, including a policeman's helmet, according to a London local by-law. But in Vermont, women require their husbands permission to wear false teeth.

In Virginia, horses of more than one year old are prohibited in a place of worship. In Tennessee, shooting any game other than whales from a moving automobile is against the law. In Normal, Oklahoma you could be sent to prison for "making an ugly face at a dog."

My Day of Learning

2008-09-19T19:05:00.014-04:00

My life has been full of idiot moments, boneheaded decisions and basically me being a jerk. That is the best way to describe myself many moons ago. There are so many things I regret doing and for some reason I still feel the need to resolve.

This week has been an incredibly tedious week. First my mom hurts her back; 2 bulging discs. As of now they are not sure what is going on. Next, my mother-in-law, who is battling cancer, was raced to the ER and admitted on the same morning. She has excruciating abdominal pain and is short breath. Her lung is filling again and we are still trying to figure out the pain. This all happens on the same day my sister is having her 4th baby, Destiny Lynn. Oh, and school is out for teacher's work day so we have my kids, my sister's 3 kids off of school and everything else going on.

So now I can breath and vent a little...

Have you ever felt like your past catches up to you? Maybe feel like "I am being punished for all I did?"

I felt this way today. I felt that all this burden was put on me because of things I have done. I don't know why, maybe it was the devil's way of working my psyche this time. Nonetheless, the feelings were, and still are, wearing me down. I think I know why though. Hear me out and see if I am nuts or at least making a little sense.

I want to blame society. Imagine that! Another society hater! No, I am not but I want to blame our love of money, belongings and anything else that can get us to the "next level." Let me give some examples:

First, a doctor screws up a surgery. What happens? The patient sues for malpractice. The lawyers meet and the "victim" says "Give me 2 million dollars and I will forgive." (which by the way is wierd since a Dr's office usually says "Practicing Medicine" not "Perfected Medicine")

Here's another one: A celebrity marries a non-celeb. Non-celeb thinks celeb is cheating. Non-celeb wants 5 million dollars to forgive and separate.

How about this one: A man gets caught selling dope to a minor. Cops interrogate and give him a deal: Give us the supplier and guys up the chain and we will forgive the felony and you can get a misdemeanor.

See how easy it is to forgive, it seems like you have to buy it in today's world. Maybe that is why I and many other people feel that we are just paying for our past, because we haven't paid yet.

But isn't that what Christ did for us? Paid that debt... in full? Isn't that what we believe as Christians? As disciples or followers? Then why do we doubt?

Because we see more of the world than we do our own Bibles and pews.

Did you know that pornography affects the same area of the brain as crack-cocaine does? That is why it so addictive. That is why it is so hard to stop; it burns images and ideas in your brain just like crack burns the feeling of the high that you want more.

Is that the way we have become with forgiveness? Has this thought been burned into our mind, or way of dealing, that we feel we have to buy the forgiveness; not even earn it, but BUY it. We feel we have to pay more than love. Isn't that is the bottom line in this world? Forgiveness is no longer an act of love, it is an act of deliverance; the deliverance of something earthly, not something godly.

Transgressions are hard to live with, even after forgiveness. If we cannot get by with pure love than what god are we serving? The Jehovah- the I AM, or the god of greed, envy and coveting.

New Niece...

2008-09-19T19:05:00.006-04:00

Meet Destiny Lynn Howard, all 9 lbs 3 oz of her. All is well and she is a snuggler!

Another beautiful creation of God's.

New Update

2008-09-18T12:54:00.011-04:00

Mom has 2 major discs bulging out. They are going to try cortisone shot today and some therapy. She is stuck here for the weekend so they can see if this will help or not. If not, we are looking at major surgery.

Tracy's mom is in ICU in the same hospital my sis in having her baby in, 20 miles from my mom and me. It is a "clean" room which means we have to scrub down, wear masks, etc. Her blood cell count is virtually non-existent due to the kemo. No word on what was causing all the abdominal pain her stomach. Not sure if it is a reaction to the kemo or reaction to her very low cell count and could be an infection.

No baby yet. Dr said should be here by noon.

Update:

2008-09-18T12:54:00.009-04:00

Ok, so I am here with mom and all is pointing here possibly getting out today. There is definitely something wrong with her back but they are still trying to get an exact ruling. Maybe they should throw dice to figure it out. :) It is especially hard on her since she is in one hospital and her daughter is having a baby in another 20 miles away.

As I got to this hospital, Tracy called me. Her mom is fighting cancer and has been on kemo the past few weeks. Her body has been reacting surprisingly well... until today. Early this morning she woke up in extreme abdominal pain. The emergency squad had to get her. Her blood counts are very low and they think she may have a severe infection due to the kemo. We should know more later. One good thing, Tracy's mom is in the same hospital the my sis Kristie is in giving birth to my new niece or nephew.

James 1:2-4: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I know this but I must believe it! It goes on in the next couple of verses we are told not to doubt but believe. James 1:5-6 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Once again I ask for prayers of stregnth and healing. Thank you for all your prayers thus far!

A Quote:

2008-09-18T12:54:00.008-04:00

Since I have all the time in the world today...

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud
slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one
end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,
are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of
Allegiance?" -Jay Leno

Some more prayer...

2008-09-18T12:54:00.003-04:00

My family needs some prayer. First Tracy's mom got sick, now my mom is being admitted into the hospital right now. Not sure what is going on. First on Tuesday, her side and leg were numb and her back hurt. Yesterday it was worse so she went to the ER. They put her on some pain pills. This morning I got a call from my sis and mom was in excruciating pain. Now they are admitting her in the hospital to see what is going on.

Just keep her in prayers. Mom is like me; we won't get something looked at unless it stops us and this has stopped her cold. Let's pray it is a pinched nerve or slipped disc or something really easily healed.

All this and my sis will either be having her baby tonight or will be induced tomorrow morning.

Thanks and God bless.

Hmmm....

2008-09-16T21:16:00.004-04:00

I have seen this photo a few times. Makes me go hmmmmmm........

Is that key just out of reach? What window is he reaching out of? Is he trying to leave or enter?

All this on a Tuesday night with absolutely nothing to watch and the dishes are done.

Crushed Front Ends

2008-09-09T20:20:00.005-04:00

Everyday when I drive to work, I get off on exit 122 and hang a left. I go under the overpass, usually get stopped at the traffic light and then have to drive approximately 2 blocks to my left turn to work. Between the stop light and the left turn there are a couple of businesses. One that really stuck out to me today was a place where they tow the cars that have been in an accident. Usually they are away from the front fence and I just kind of see the damage from a distance and keep driving. This morning I saw a white SUV with the front end smashed and the top pushed halfway down. "Wow, that looks pretty bad" is what I thought. Then I started thinking "Who was in there? Was there any kids?"

Then I started imagining me being in that SUV with Tracy in the passenger seat talking about what was for dinner that night and what we are going to do this weekend; Justine and Christian having fun in back singing the latest Jonas Brothers song on the radio and then BOOM!!!!

Head on collision. It all goes black after that. I had to stop thinking. I had to stop. It was literally aching my heart. What if that happened? What if in one split second everything changed? Am I ready? Do I have my family prepared? Do I have everything prepared in case something happened to Tracy and I and not the kids? I was flooded with a ton of questions and emotions all within about a 20 second flash between the stoplight and the left hand turn.

Have you ever had one of these moments? I have but never quite like this. Do you think God speaks to us in moments like this? Maybe not as a hint of what is to come but of preparation of what life could bring; almost like He is saying to me "Hey, where are you? Remember who I am. Remember the control thing you struggle with so much? My plans, your life. Live... for me."

Wow; all this from just turning a corner a driving 1/4 of a mile off the interstate. Wonder what tomorrow will bring? Are you listening?

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? - Luke 9:25

A New Era

2008-09-09T09:35:00.002-04:00

So, last night was the first night since 1992 that I watched a Packers game without Brett Favre as the starting QB. It was different. I really cannot describe it. Very surreal. I watched Aaron Rodger's every move, every pass and every emotion. He did very well. I was mildly shocked and surprised, not because I did not trust him or think he could not get the job done; however, the stress and emotion on his back over the past 3 months has been tremendous and it all slid off his back during his game clinching touchdown run and the subsequent Lambeau Leap.

Yes, I wish Favre was still our QB. I always will. I remember watching the Cincy game in my college dorm room with some of my friends just knowing that Favre was a special QB. 16 years later and at the age of 24... err... I mean 34 I no longer will see Favre at the helm of the Packers offense but Rogers did very well and has excited me about the future of Packer football. I am sure the rest of the NFC North and NFC were not as excited as they were hoping for a step back, not a step forward, in Packers history.

GO PACK GO!

Living...

2008-09-08T07:55:00.000-04:00

You have probably heard the song “Live Like You Are Dying” by Tim McGraw. To sum it up, it is about a guy who learned he is sick and decided to live like it was his last day. He became a dad, a friend and a husband he wished he would have been. He accomplished things like sky diving and climbing the Rockies though he may not have had he been well. It even mentioned reading “the good book” and looking back on his life.
Isn’t it funny how sometimes it takes an event to alternate our thought process? I know in the past 5 years it has me. It has been 5 years since my father passed from cancer. I have developed and molded my life to do things, accomplish things and love more because of this. Now with another loved one diagnosed with cancer I am evaluating myself, my life, again.
There’s one line in the song that goes “Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about what’d you do with it, what you did with it, what did I do with it, what would I do with it?”
With school starting up soon and all the youth organizations, football, and church activities our families and our kids have more ways to learn how to live the way God intended us to live. Our lives are a journey, a quest, to become closer to God each and every day. Whether it is by a class, small groups or serving in a capacity as a small group leader, at a soup kitchen, food shelter or orphanage we have to make a decision and dedication in furthering our relationship with Jesus Christ. We belong to Him and He wants us to serve and to love no matter the circumstance.
“Whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s” Romans 14:8.
So why should we live like we definitely have a tomorrow. I am not saying just go nuts by driving up large bills but to love and serve like you are not here long, like this is your last day with someone.
Live like you are dying.

Where are all the good movies?

2008-09-05T20:44:00.002-04:00

Now that the summer is done, I cannot help but think: Where are all the good movies? It seemed week after week Hollywood was slamming us with these awesome movies that were just bragging about bigger and better special effects and awesome story lines. Now after a spectacular summer of good movies we are treated with a bunch of crud. Why can't we have these spread out a little more so there is something to do during election times than listen to a bunch of people try to twist and turn words, statements and facts in order to gain votes to be president of the greatest... country... in... the... world. I don't care what party you support or who you support, this year is going to be tough. I don't want to think about it yet. Spongebob makes more sense right now.

Man, when is Saw V out? That might be the closest thing in the movies that relates to the way the media is treating this election and it is also the next movie I look forward to seeing. Not because I am demented but because I really don't have to use my brain for anything at that type of movie. I can put it in "snooze" mode.

Sigh... the thoughts on a Friday night.

My thoughts at lunch today...

2008-09-05T12:53:00.003-04:00

At lunch I had the craziest thought... Justine is 5 years away from being 16. Since she is in a wheelchair, how will she learn how to drive? Do I want her to learn how to drive? :)

I guess with her getting older each day (I guess that is usually how it goes) I need to start planning for the future. I am feeling lost about it today, like I want to rewind and start all over again and make some different choices or just go back and re-live it.

Just thoughts... that is it. As long as there are no boys coming to the door I am fine. Then I might have to put my "dad-face" on.

Maybe I should enjoy the now and not worry about the then and when...

Jonas Brothers

2008-08-29T08:19:00.003-04:00

So, almost a week later and I am still not complete recovered from the longest... concert... ever.

Not that it was bad but 3 hours and 45 minutes of 10,000+ screaming girls. If only Sunday worship was like that. :)

So here are the videos of the kids of their reactions and meeting them. In the video where we tell them they are going to meet them poor Christian gets an elbow. You will see.

Video 1: We tell them their surprise:
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=3eda4bcd35f2ad71a3fd

Video 2: We tell them the 2nd part:
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2d67fab63fd23e37f067

Video 3: They meet them:
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8c74b5dae827d7e7fae0

Life...

2008-08-28T08:05:00.009-04:00

Life has been generously great and brutally hard the last couple weeks. School is back in and the kids are excited and actually like it!! Tracy was chosen to take the aid position at Shelby Hills (where she worked about 4 years ago before cut backs). We were able to take the kids to see Jonas Brothers for their birthdays and then this week we were also fortunate enough to (cough) take them to Corbin Blue and Venessa Hudgins. (More on the concerts later).

We also were able to spend last week with Tracy's brother Martin. Martin and I have talked over the past 11 years but it always seemed to be about football. I think that was our comfort zone. We never knew each other all that well but we had a lot in common in that aspect. This week that all changed. I actually got to know him as a person, a man of God. He taught me a lot this week about perseverance, even through bad times and to never give up on God. He came and served at Hands of Hope with me for 2 weekends and I can tell you right now I wish he would be here this weekend because he was so awesome there and made friends. Even as he serves God, the world has been hard on him too. Keep him in prayer for guidance.

Then we got the bad news: Rosemary has been diagnosed with myeloma. This is Tracy and Martin's mom. She really is my mom too. I love her as much as my own mother. Not many son-in-laws say that about their mom-in-laws; but I can and do. We really do not know the extent of it, the stage or anything yet. We should know more this week. During the whole month of July and first week of August she was first in Lima Hospital and then Ohio State Hospital in Columbus. Tracy's sister Nichole would stay during the week and Tracy would go during the weekend. Now Rosemary is at home but is still sick. One of the tests finally gave us some results, the results we did not want to hear but nonetheless, they are results.

Cancer.

I hate that word. I know we are not suppose to hate but I think it is ok to hate a sickness but that word completely fills me with anger. I have been struggling lately with an anger in me. I did not know where it was coming from. It was consuming thoughts and actions. Tracy knew there was a battle going on and has been helping me try to figure it out.

I woke up at 2:30 this morning and figured it out. I know where all the hate and anger is generating from.

Cancer.

My dad died from it 5 years ago this October.

Cancer.

It took my grandma and grandpa Porath and my grandma and grandpa Rozinski.

Cancer.

It took friends of the family over the past couple of years.

Cancer.

I have friends who are fighting it now.

Cancer.

Now someone else I love dearly has it.

It may not be bad. We do not know the extent of it yet, like I said; however it is just eating me up inside. But at least I know what it is that has made me so on edge the past couple weeks.

I guess maybe deep inside I think: When will I get it? Is this an inevitable end for me too? Did I pass this on to my kids? Finally: Why us?

I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, I have overcome the world. John 16:33

I need peace right now. I need to control this fire of hate within me. It is not right. I need peace. I need to remember that this world has been overcome and defeated by Jesus. I know all this already but I need to remember and apply it in all I do with my life... even my thoughts and feelings.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Man, do I need strength right now. And courage. I need to quit being so selfish. If this is how I feel, how must Tracy and her brother and sisters feel? We have not told our kids yet. We are waiting until we know everything.

I need to remember that God will be with us and Rosemary no matter what we hear this week.

Isn't it interesting that through out the Bible there are many, many passages about being courageous and encouragement? To think that our time is so much different than theirs is pretty ridiculous. Sure they don't have the technology, medicine or anything we have now but are we so different in what we are wanting to achieve? I am pretty sure that they had the same discouragements I have when it comes it illnesses. I wonder how many people have read the same passages that I have been concentrating on.

So where do I go from here? How do I get through these feelings of hate filling my body right now? Prayer, study, friends, worship... the list can go on and on but I have to DO these things, not just talk about them. Maybe I have to give up on some of the extracurricular things I do, even if they are for the "church", to give more personal time to God. Without me being in true worship, in true wholeness of God, all I do is just that, good works. They are not the basis of my salvation, they are because of my salvation. Once I can come back into completeness with the wholeness of my life and my worship then my hate and fear should dissipate.

11 Years and Counting

2008-08-14T10:15:00.007-04:00

Today is a hard day for me. It should not be, but it is. It should be a day of celebration and thankfulness but instead it has been a day of "wondering where the time has gone."

It is my daughter Justine's 11th birthday. I am having a hard time just thinking that in 2 years we will have teenager in the house!!

I am not saying that I am depressed or anything with this event today... just contemplating the 11 years that have passed. From being in the NICU for the first 3 months of her life, to her 15 surgeries, to here graduating from Preschool and Kindergarten, to her graduating from 3rd grade into a new school and 4th grade this year. It is just so surreal more so today.

I am so proud of my "Teeny" (my nickname for her). She has overcome tremendous odds just to be who she is. I have told many people the story of how the Dr told us to abort because she would be a burden to us and we were to young to have this burden. Or about her Dr that did her original 12 hour surgery the day she was born; he said he would do his best but there was a 60-75% chance that she would not survive the stress of the surgery. During those times I know God was with us and held us. He held her. She used to have this brown spot on her forehead. One day one of the nurses told us that it looked like a kiss on her forehead and it must have been from God or an angel during birth for protection. I did not really go to church at that time, I was more of a believer than a someone that practiced it. Today I know the real reason! I knew it then, today I proclaim it!

I thank God everyday for my Teeny. She has inspired many people the past 11 years. I just cannot believe that it has been 11 years already. So much time has gone by. Most of my wondering today is what will she remember when she gets older? What does God have in store for her? How will her life affect others from now on? What is my part in her life going forward, preparing her for independence?

Thank you Jesus for my Teeny. Continue to keep her healthy, loving with no prejudice and being an inspiration to us all. Let her and her brother continue to be best friends. Give Tracy and I the wisdom, patience and knowledge to make sound decisions in our lives for our two beloved children. Your children. In Your holy and precious name. A-men.

Broken But Yet Restored

2008-06-20T10:51:00.009-04:00

Wow. I don’t even know where to start this or how to end it. I will do my best so I hope you aren’t bored by this post but learn from it as I have… just not as hard as I have.

A few months back I finally purchased my dream TV. 42” LCD, 1080p full HD with all the bells and whistles. A little something most of you know about me is when I want to buy something it really is not about the price, it is about getting something that I really like. It does not have to be the most expensive but it needs to be something that will last. To me, I would rather pay and extra $100 for something I know is better if I am going to invest that money into it.
It was a good TV. Great for movies, I could hook my laptop up to it and do stuff, you name it and it could be done. Even the Wii was hooked up to it and it was great to play that on there… but was it?
Yesterday I was coming home from work and Tracy called and told me that she had some bad news. She said it was pretty bad and she did not want me to get mad. I first thought “Someone got hurt” or “She wrecked the van” but, alas, it was not to be so. I was informed that her and Christian was playing the Wii and the remote flew off of Christian’s hand (even with the string wrapped around) and hit the TV dead center… There was silence. Tracy pleaded for me not to be mad and it was not his fault.

Of course I realized this and even as disappointed as I was, I was not mad at Christian. In fact I hurt for him. I knew what he was feeling. He did not want to face me or to talk to me. He had been crying for an hour straight… afraid of me and how I would deal with the situation and him. I remembered my dad and how he reacted to things when big accidents happened like this. It was being grounded, spanked or whatever seemed appropriate in that time and matter to dad. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad dearly but he was brought up the old fashioned way: actions and consequence. I always wanted to break that chain when I had kids and this was my chance.
It took a few minutes but Tracy got my little-man on the phone and over his sobs I told him “It is ok. It was an accident. It is not your fault. I love you.” He gave the phone to Tracy and went away crying. All I could do was hoped it helped.

I had 20 more minutes in my car to think and respond. Jesus reminded me in that time of when He was on the cross and the criminal next to him and asked for forgiveness for the things he did… that he knowingly did. Jesus responded with “Today you will be with me in paradise.” I was also reminded of the Prodigal Son story. He spent all of his inheritance and threw his life away and his father welcomed him back with loving arms. I asked God, “Why that? Something I worked long and hard for. Why Christian? Why not the dog or something easier to be mad at?”

It was then I pulled into the driveway and there was Christian, my little-man, waiting for me. A little smile on his face knowing that it was going to be ok. He ran and greeted me and gave me a huge hug. He said “I am sorry daddy. Do you still love me?” I hugged and held on and told him “Nothing will ever keep me from loving you.” We walked into the house, hand in hand. It was at that time I felt an intimacy with my son like I have never before. It was at that time I felt some old chains bust off of my back.

Sure, I still feel some disappointment, wouldn’t you? I think I took the next step in figuring out what it means to receive that undeniable love and grace that our Savior has given us and also how it feels and means to spread that out back into the world.

Not sure if Christian will remember this in 20 years but if he does I hope he remembers me as the father I strive to be and sees the Father that God already is.

Wings Win!

2008-06-05T10:03:00.006-04:00

Well, last night's game made staying up for Monday's triple OT heartbreaker worth the feeling of not catching up on sleep all week. Not only did the Pens keep the game competitive the almost tied it up with 1 second to play. To check out the hightlights, go here:

I do not know if you are a hockey fan or not but I became one about 15 years ago when I saw my first game between the Wings and the (then) Minnesota North Stars (who are now the Dallas Stars and Minnesota is now the Wild... kind of like a soap opera). A couple of my good friends were Wings fans and wanted me to go and I got hooked and they became my favorite team.

Times, rules and players have changed but it is still a thrill to watch the Wings when I can. Hopefully they can get the NHL on regular TV again. But until then I will still keep up with Hockeytown, USA however I can and cheer them on.

Oh, you want to read a feel good story about one of the Wings? Check out the one on Darren McCarty. It is towards the end of the column. I am sure more will be made with this.

GO WINGS!

June 1st

2008-06-02T07:29:00.003-04:00

June 1st will always be in my mind as long as I am living on this earth. You see, that was my dad's birthday. Dad passed away 5 years ago and every year it seems mom wants to do something to "remember." I guess you can say that I am being selfish but this year I just did not want to participate in the "festivities." Usually what mom does is have cake and lets balloons off into the sky with the all the grandkids. This year Christian did not want to do it... and neither did I. His reasons I am not sure of; maybe he wanted to keep the balloon because it is sitting in my house. Who knows with a 6 year old.

Me? I am just done "holding on". I guess there is a time for all of us to let go of things and I just cannot keep celebrating every anniversary that dad had. His birthday, his marriage, Christmas... I mean I LOVE remembering things of dad. That is no problem but I just cannot keep doing these "dad-would-have" things. Everybody remembers in their own ways, this just is not mine. I miss him and look forward to the day I see him again.

Hands of Hope video

2008-05-30T09:19:00.002-04:00

Here is a video that my friend John made up for me for our ministry Hand of Hope. Hope you enjoy it. If you want to read more about the mission go to my other blog on it www.hishandsofhope.blogspot.com

Thanks everyone! God loves.

David

Bible on CD

2008-05-19T12:45:00.004-04:00

Well, I got my first Bible on CD for my birthday on Friday (by the way, I am NOT as old as I look, I have had numerous people think I was closer to 40 than the 34 I turned last week. Don't get it... all I want to do is love and this is my return... sigh). I think I have fallen in love with something totally new.

It is called The Bible Experience and it has tons of well known actors like Cuba Gooding, Jr., Forrest Whittaker, Samuel L Jackson (not reprising his Pulp Fiction role though... sort of to my disappointment... he would have made a great Saul/Paul character or even King David)and so many more.

I admit, it is hard for me to read the Bible in what I like to call the "Big Gulp." I just cannot sit down and read the Bible for long periods of time. I mean long periods being more than 10 minutes. I lose focus, doze off or just lose interest in it. Reading it in big amounts does nothing for me.

Small bits and pieces are pretty sweet though. I like to listen to what God wants me to learn or see in a specific section and try to apply it to my life. I can DO THAT!

But this Bible CD... I asked for it and Tracy got it for me. I was so thrilled (along with Battleship "old school" game Christian got for us to play together with and the Wii game that has darts, skeet ball, shuffle board that Justine got me so we can play together too) I could not wait to get it on my computer and MP3 player. So during the ride to work and over my 30 minute lunch break I got through the first 8 chpaters of Genesis (TNIV version) and heard the story of Creation and Noah in a whole different way. Same words I read in the Bible but the music, the background noises and the way the people read them/act them lets you visually put yourself there looking on. I am hooked. Maybe at this pace I may actually be able to get through some of the "boring" books and like them (sorry, just being honest... my blog).

I encourage you to borrow someone's (mine is available if you would like) and give it a shot. Then go out and get one. I think that maybe God wants me to get out of the books I know and am comfortable with and this is how He wants me to start. Who knows... but Him!

Update... Samuel L Jackson is the voice of the angel that warns Lot and destroys Sodom and Gomorrah... sweet... ;)

Country Rock Church

2008-05-08T09:38:00.004-04:00

Three weeks ago our church started a new service called "Country Rock Church." This isn't your ordinary service though. It is held in a bar called "The Pub" here in Sidney. It is a new way our church has decided to reach out to people, to show them that the church is the people, not a building. It is to meet them where they are in life and not expect them to come to a building to learn about God.

This has turned somewhat turned into a media "circus" and a controversial subject in our area. Why? Because people do not believe that church should be held outside of a "church." Other people think that we are discrediting God and the Bible for going into a place or society that is considered dirty or unholy. Some people are mad that alcohol is being served. I can understand all their feelings and realize this is so out of the normal in the perception of our community and others.

I think God calls us to go to places that are uncomfortable. Aren't we suppose to worship God in all we do? Why can we not reach out to those in a bar? Did not Jesus dine with a tax collector (they were considered some of worse of the worse)? Did he not teach and talk with a prostitute? I am sure his disciples were not all that pure either, in fact Peter denied he knew the same man he professed his undying love to... THREE TIMES! But Jesus still forgave him and loved him. Jesus even forgave a criminal right before He and the criminal both died on the cross.

I was always brought up with the notion that our sins is what led Jesus to the cross. Not just the sins of Adam and Eve but the sins of the entire world from the beginning, until now, after our time has come and until He comes again. If it really was our sins that led this murder to happen are we not responsible? If we are responsible for the death of our Savior so that our ransom is paid then are we not responsible to let people know of what Jesus died for? Why does this responsibility stop outside of our church walls or even our "christian" homes? Why can't I go to Walmart, McDonald's, the mall, a shelter, a prison, or even on a blog and declare the Word of God? Oh wait, I can. As long as it is not in a bar where alcohol is present because it does not seem "right" in our eyes.

A lot of people/christians believe we do what God calls us to do. I completely believe that. I believe that God called me to leave my old job of 10 years to pursue my new, current job; it was not just a decision for what was best for me and my family. In the same way, I believe God has called all the volunteers, singers, speakers and even the "congregation" to be there every Sunday night. I know that a lot of people do not agree with it but my question is "have you ever been called to do something by God that other people do not think is right or worth the time?"

For example, what about the hitchhiker standing on the corner of the interstate ramp wanting food. Did you ever feel that tug to go to McDonald's and pick up 10 burgers and give them to him? Maybe you have and maybe you haven't. Is that God calling to you? I think so. But why would we serve someone that may be a convict, alcoholic or whatever else is the reason why he is doing this? I mean, he is not in a church so why would we do this for him?

Trust me, I have struggled with this too. Is this the right thing? It has to be for me or I would not feel so strongly about it. It may not be right for you or others but it IS for me. What makes other "religions" do what they do or have the traditions they have that others do not? They feel God-led in them. Why is it so sacred and holy to them but not to me... and they feel called to do it?

This is where God is just so BIG! He can and will make any scenario His. All we can do is answer the call and have faith that we are doing God's work and his will. When there is something that we do not agree with or are just confused over the question of "why God would want that done", it just may be better to pray for those individuals and that circumstance and trust in God instead of being the judge, jury and executioner. If you truly know what is in the best interest of God and know the mind of God please let us all know the secret because the world would be much better if we all knew it. Until then it is a life of choice and I just pray that mine are what God has called me to do.

Justine's Surgery

2008-04-24T12:35:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, Justine had another surgery. This was to repair her "hole" in the side of stomach that leads to her bladder where she can cathe herself. It just has not been working right for sometime.

The surgery went well and Justine is back in school today; however, the Dr is not 100% sure that it is going to "take". We will have to give it a month and see. If it does not work we will have to redo that whole proceedure which is a pretty big surgery.

It is has always been hard to watch her go through a surgery. Ever see someone get put under for a surgery? Watching your daughter's tears and worries in her eyes is the hardest. Here is how yesterday went:

We were all prepped and ready to go. "No big deal... this was going to be easy. Same day surgery, no problem. The Dr will make the fix and we will get home." Having these thoughts is something I think a lot of parents like us do. We talk ourselves into (or out of) the size of the moment.

For the first time they let both Tracy and me back to the room where she gets the gas to take a nap. Once again she pick Bubble Gum flavor. It really does smell like it too. As we stood there waiting for the Dr to put the mask on, Justine go really nervous and tense. Fear was in her eyes and in her tone.

"I want daddy to hold the mask on." she had never said that before. Did she used to think it but never expressed it before? I really do not know. She grabbed my hand and I looked at Tracy. I think we were both surprised on her expression. Then she started crying. I leaned forward with my lips on her forhead and gave her a kiss and whispered "Everything will be just fine. I am right here. I am not leaving you."

Justine leaned forward and gave me this huge hug. If you ever got a huge hug from Justine, you know what I mean. But this one was bigger! She then gave Tracy one and let me softly set the mask on her mouth and nose. Man, this always broke my heart. I really hate doing this. Why you ask? She holds my hand and looks me in the eyes. Not just to see me but she stares, as if they grab a hold of you. She breathing is heavy due to being upset and crying... but it starts to slow down. The fear in the eyes is fading and her grip is loosening. She says "I love you". Tracy and I stroke her hair and her arms for her to relax. Her eyes get glassy, rolls up and her eyelids close. She is asleep.

I don't know why it was so hard this time. Maybe it wasn't hard. Maybe it was God making me more aware of what is going on... for me not to push it off... to behold Him in the moment. I don't know. This time it was different. I don't know why.

Myspace??

2008-04-01T08:48:00.003-04:00

Have I finally (slowly) caught up with the internet world? I finally started a myspace page. Not that it means anything... Check it out, be a friend (please, I do not want to be lonely...)

www.myspace.com/beingupended

You can check out Tracy's too at www.myspace.com/tracyporath

You all rock.

DP

Hannah Montana......

2008-02-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

Dude.... (have you seen the comercial yet where the guy uses "dude" for just about every emotion? That is me right now..... DUDE!!!)

Well, Hannah Montana has officially taken over our house. Justine watches it everyday, has her CDs and posters on her wall. I was waiting for her to get over her High School Musical phase (which is not complete yet)but now we get to hear Billy Ray Cyrus' girl sing bubble-gum rock for 5th-8th graders.

As annoying it may get to us parents, I have to say that she has a good head on her shoulders and her parents keep her down to earth. She talks about God and church, what it means to her and here family. I hope that this whole stardom thing does not get to her like some of the other "innocents" that were corrupted by fame, fortune and (in my opinion) what seems to be a lack of parenting skills (Brittney Spears, Christina Aguillera?)

I think the biggest thing that gets me is that she has jumped that line from kids music to teen music. She talks about cute boys and "liking" guys. I am not sure I am ready for this. I miss my cuddly girl that just wanted to sit on my lap and watch "Wiggles" or something less "older" than what it is now. My little girl is growing up physically (Tracy's job :)) and emotionally (Ok, I will help with some of that stuff).

I have really noticed her spiritual growth though. She is learning to pray for things in need AND to thank and praise God for her stuff and life. She tells people about Jesus and truly loves everyone. I am not sure it is in her heart to say or think "hate".

I guess to wrap this up (not sure where I was really going with this anyways)we took the kids to see the Hannah Montana 3D movie/concert yesterday. It was our way to let Justine see her in concert since we will never pay legal "scalpers" for tickets to her concert. In one scene they showed dads racing in high heal shoes to win 4 front row tickets plus backstage passes to the sold out show that eventually became the 3D movie. Tracy asked me "Would you ever do that?" I immediately wanted to say "heck no!" but looked at Justine in her big eyes with that smirk she has (got that from me) and said....... :)

My Look-alikes

2008-01-15T16:40:00.000-05:00

Check out my look-alikes at the bottom of my page. Kind of fun to do an if use differnet pictures of yourself, sometimes you can get different results...

Have fun!!

Narnia Returns!!! MAY 16, 2008

2007-12-23T11:29:00.001-05:00

So, I got to see the first previews of Prince Caspian before seeing "I Am Legend" yesterday (which, by the way, is very good.... different, but good).

So at the bottom, all the way down, is the preview for all of you Narnia-nuts like me. Hopefully it will be just as good as "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe". Disney did pretty well with it, let's hope it exceeds expectations.

Oh, the best part is it is released on my birthday.... you know what I will be asking for.... :)

A break... in my journey....

2007-11-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

What a weekend!! Not just because the Packers are 10-1, or Thanksgiving was wonderful both at home and at Hands of Hope, but that in all His goodness I still see the imperfect world we live in and the my imperfect journey to Christ. As Paul Harvey would say "Now... for the rest of the story."

We found that Justine had some swelling in her right leg, right by the ankle. Being the doctor I am not, I did what any former football player would do: Put on ice and elevate. Right? The swelling went down really well, but in her beautiful wisdom (shhh, do not tell her I said that) Tracy called the doctors just to let them know what was going on. The "real" doctors in Cincy said it could be broken and they wanted to see her Monday morning. So I decided I would inspect it. It did not seem broken, it was not hot (a normal symptom) and her ankle and leg looked pretty straight (I decided against getting my level out to see for sure).

So around comes Monday morning and Tracy, Christian, Justine and Rosemary made the trek 90 miles south to Cincy Children's Hospital for them to stick her in a room, take an X-ray to find out that in fact Justine had 2 fractures!!! One right by the ankle and one right below the knee. The doctor estimated it happened 2 weeks ago and the pictures showed that new bone was already growing back in and it was already healing!! He also informed us that since she cannot walk or feel, we would never have known it was broken; however, the swelling tipped it all off. So now she is in an air cast for 1 week (which she is hamming up pretty good).

So this brought up two thoughts in my mind:

1. I have been so naive about the Justine being a paraplegic. I have taken for granted that just because she does not walk, it does not mean that nothing can happen to her legs!! Even after 10 years, I still cannot fathom not feeling anything from my waist down. It was like.... "HOLY CRAP!!! SHE REALLY CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING!!" Maybe I have been waiting for her legs to just work..... for Jesus to come and heal her like he had to the leper or Lazarus or Jairus' daughter. Have I completely accepted her yet? For who she is, for who she will become?

2. Because of the thoughts above I have come to realize that the hardest for me to do is to hand things over to God. It sounds so cliche, I know. Maybe I would not have felt that way if I would hand over my thoughts, hurts, questions and most importantly her, over to the Father she really belongs too!! Maybe it hurts so much at times because I still think I CAN SAVE HER!!!

What father does not want to save their children from the ills in this world? Every one of us would do what ever is necessary to make our children's lives that much better. I would trade my legs, my arms, my entire life for Justine to feel what it means to walk.

Something I do every... single... day... of... my... life.... she will never do. She will never know what it means to sprint. She will never skip. She will never trip and fall and scrape her knees. She will never roll an ankle playing tennis. She will never jump to spike a volleyball.

I will always hurt with her. I will always cry with her. I will always hold her. I will be at every surgery. I will be do everything I can to make my girl's life safe, happy and God pleasing.

Until I learn that God has already taken that Father's role of saving, my journey will not be complete. Until I learn to give over all my disappointments of fatherhood, my journey will not be complete. Until I learn that Justine is more a child of God than my child, my journey will not be complete. Until I learn to give up my own selfish heart, well, my journey will not be complete.

The Best There Is, There Was, There Ever Will Be

2007-10-01T08:32:00.000-04:00

How can someone overcome their greatness? By putting others first. Brett Favre continues to do this week in and week out. He even said that all that mattered was the win. He told it to the press and he told it to his teammates after the game.

How close is that to what we learned in Chris' sermon yesterday? We can do great things but if we do not give the glory to where it belongs (God) it is just a deed, an act. We are being hypocrytes to what God has designed our lives for. It is not for myself, it is for the glory of Him. Just like Brett knows that those TD passes would not have come without an offensive line to block, receivers to catch or even the God give ability to throw the ball 100 mph, we too know that without each other in each other lives and God in center we only end up living for one thing, ourselves.

Hands of Hope

2007-09-23T21:18:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, every year I take a group of 7th and 8th graders to Nashville on a mission trip and one of the things we do is feed homeless people under a bridge downtown. Last year, one of gentlemen we met asked Tracy "Why are you here? Don't you help people in your own town?" That very statement has haunted and excited us since.

For the past 9 months we have just sat on it. Put it in a box and filed the feeling away until this next January. As sad as it may seem, it is the truth. It is not that we have not thought about it or prayed about it, we just did not know what to do with this feeling.

A month or so ago, Compassionate Care opened its doors to Shelby County and all uninsured residents. It is just beginning, but it is making an impact on the community and those who know Teresa and have been amazed by her dream and God's will to bring it to fruition.

Tracy volunteers Friday nights to clean the clinic. Her and Teresa have been talking about all the needs in the community and we come to find out that there are around 60 homeless people in Sidney! I had no clue. I thought a couple but not 60. Some people have a place to stay but no food. Incredible, how could we not have known!? Probably because I was waiting for God to show me instead of pursuing the feelings He gave Tracy and I 9 months ago.

Tracy came to me the other day and said "You need to get a chuckwagon going. We need to feed the homeless. Just like in Nashville. Every Saturday. You have the dream, now let's just do it." Wow! Her passion was very apparent in her eyes and her voice. She was completely won and over and focused through the Spirit. I felt it within myself too. I guess God got sick of waiting for me or maybe this was His timing. None of that matters now though. I know what I have to do.

I approached my small group, which we call ourselves BW Jesus (because we started our group in BW3s bar and grill sports lounge). It seems most of us are on board at this time. It is incredible because we have a health inspector, a couple of engineers, a car mechanic, couple of computer geeks (me included) and we all like each other and love to grill out! We have the ideal group of guys to get this started and have fun!

Tracy told me I have to come up with a name. I really did not think we needed a name but she said we needed an identity. The place we go visit in Nashville is "The Lord's Chuckwagon" found by Bob Lord (awesome, eh?). You can check out his site here: http://www.lordsoutreachministries.org/ (or the link is to your right).

I came up with Hands of Hope. What are we without our hands? Think of everything you do with your hands. Eat, pray, praise, wash, clean, move things, write, type, touch, give, receive. I think about vets that lost hands and arms in wars. How life must be so trying for them. Our hands are in everything we do, everyday of the week.

The best thing we can do with our hands though is to outstretch them. Think about it. What do you do when your hands are outstretched.....

pray.......

praise......

embrace......

serve......

By doing these four things with your hands outstretched, by using them as service, they are also opened to received Jesus Christ. Is that just incredible? Is that not giving thanks to Jesus for His outstretched hands on the cross for us? Isn't that Jesus telling Thomas to take his finger and check out the wound, the scar of himself, of us, on his outstretched hands? Is this not showing Hands of Hope?

Jewel- "Hands"
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all ok
And not to worry because worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I will not be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
but it didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
but i knew it wasn't ever after
We will fight, not out of spite
for someone must stand up for what's right
cause where there's a man who has no voice
there ours shall go singing
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken
My hands are small, i know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
God's hands
We are God's hands
God's hands
We are God's hands

Step Up!

2007-08-29T20:56:00.001-04:00

Man, what is it with the phrase "Step up!" this week. I have heard it since Sunday. I really do not know why it is hitting me so much this week. Obviously something is being told to me. The first time I heard it was Sunday morning. Someone out of the blue just said "Step up, Dave!" Completely out of the context of what was being talked about, but it hit me.... it hit me like I needed to hear that.

Then Monday came around.... "Step up!" seemed to be the underlying theme at work. Everyone high up wants everyone else down low to "Step up" and make more money, or do more work, or whatever..... I just heard the words too much on Tuesday too.

Then there was tonight. Great youth information night. We were in this huge circle praying, this great youth leader and mom prayed out that we, you guessed it, "Step up!"

What in the world is God telling me here? I guess it is pretty obvious; but there has to be something else. Could it be that simple? Am I a slacker or been slacking? Maybe I have been taking too much for granted.

Dan gave me some great ideas tonight of what it might mean. I think they were great ideas, about me being more intentional in my work, my ministry. To be more spiritual. I really believe I needed that and I believe what he said; but, I only think that is part of it..... or I am just looking too much into it.

Anyways, here is to "Stepping Up" and figuring out just what in the world that means for me this week. I think I have some of the answers, but not all.

My Personal DNA

2007-07-11T09:35:00.000-04:00

Had a friend (thanks Todd) that did this on his blog, so I thought I would give it a shot. You can check it out at the site below and let me know what you think!

My personalDNA Report

See ya!

DP

I am going to miss you, Joe.

2007-06-20T13:41:00.000-04:00

I want to go on the record to say that death sucks. Point blank. I hate it. I hate dealing with it. I hate thinking about it. I hate dreaming about it. I hate that it scares the crap out of me. I hate that it makes me wonder if I am "christian" enough to go to heaven. I hate it most though when it takes someone I love and I am left here feeling helpless and even more annoyed by life.

My strong statements are exactly that. I cannot beat around the bush with this subject (I have never been the type of person to not express my opinion about anything). This is just how I feel. It is not that I hate life, I love life. I just am not pleased with the ending of life. I do not exactly want to live forever; however, I do not think anyone should die at any age less than 80 either.

I have been working at my current place for over 9 years. This morning, my friend Joe whom I have worked with for that whole time, passed away. He was 55 years old.

Last Thursday night, Joe had a stroke. It was not mild; however, it did not seem too major either. I really do not think there is a "middle ground" type of stroke, but Joe's seemed very recoverable. Then we find out Monday morning that he had pressure on the brain and it seemed that was causing his left side problems. After the surgery everything seemed fine. That night things got worse and eventually by yesterday afternoon, they said he could no longer sustain himself without help of machines. This morning, Joe passed. He always said he never wanted machines to sustain him. He said that if he was of no help in this world to just let him go.

The great thing about Joe is that within the past year, Joe became a christian. He and I talked about this last year and he had finally decided to be baptized. Little did I know the complete impact that baptism would have, not in this world, but what it was preparing him for today.

Here is a sort-of funny story. About 3 years ago, Joe noticed that I was changing a lot of things in my life. He knew I was volunteering for a lot of youth ministry, among other things. One Christmas, he drew my name for gift exchange. I wanted Switchfoot's new album and he got it for me. We had a great talk because he had to go to the Christian section to get it. It gave him a chance to approach me about things. We talked about religion and different types of worship and music. We talked about struggles we had, even with Christ now in our lives. He even said once "Heck, if you can change, anyone can change" with that great chuckle of a laugh he had.

I pray for his wife Loraine. I only met her a couple of times, but what a wonderful woman. I pray that God just scoops her up and just holds her close; that he keeps her from falling. For all of Joe's family and kids, that they remember the fondness of his smile and the love that he gave. For Denise, a coworker that worked closely with Joe for 12 years or more. They were more than that. They were family. I pray God gives her the same comfort that He so graciously will give the rest of his family. For the rest of us here at work; most of us have worked with him for at least 5-12 years. We spent just as much time with him in a day as we did our own families. Give us comfort and strength to remember and continue on with life, but not to forget him.

I see Joe in heaven right now picking his banjo he loved to play so much. Music was his life. He just joined heaven's band. I will never listen to blue grass the same. I will always think of Joe. My brother in Christ, I cannot wait to see you again someday. As much as I loathe death, I know it is coming for all of us.

Thank you to Dan, who gave me this scripture yesterday as we talked:

I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Thank you Jesus for overcoming death and for making it just another part of our journey to heaven. Thank you for good friends, like Joe, who make living in this world better. Thank you for a heaven to look forward to and your grace that has prepared the way for us. A-men.

Time flies....

2007-05-22T07:33:00.000-04:00

It has been awhile since I posted anything. I apologize for that. It has been pretty crazy and busy lately. But that is ok.......

Over the past month, I have been changing. Not just in age (I turned 33 last week) but in the way I think and the way I have looking at my life. For example, a few years ago, I looked at my career as "how can I make this a long and productive career?" Now I have thoughts like "I have worked hard and have been blessed, but now they can bring in someone younger and can be paid less to start, so what do I have to do to possibly prepare for this?"

It is quite humorous really. How? I used to be the most care free person in the world. I never really took anything too seriously (unless needed) and lived for the day, so to speak. Now I analyze anything and everything so much. I think that Tracy really gets frustrated with me. Is this a normal thing when you get older? Why can I not get back to the times when I just lived and lived freely? Have I become what I never wanted to become (my dad)? Not that I do not love my dad, but I never wanted to be like him in many ways. Since he passed almost 4 years ago, it seems I have become more and more like him in many ways. Tracy told me the other day that she sees a lot of him in me, but the part she is most proud that I have of him is his heart.

Dad loved just about everyone and would do anything for anyone. He could show love like no other. I hope that I get there someday. He also had a temper. Not a horrible one, just could become annoyed very easily. I have definitely aqcuired that trait. That is one I did not want. I wanted the trait of patience. I have some, but not enough most of the time.

I recently wrote an email to a good friend about what has been going on with me and the ministries I give my time to. There is one line I wrote to him that I had to write down on a piece of paper because I did not want to forget what I wrote. (You know, there are times where it is hard to express how you feel and then BANG! you have it in your head and you just have to write it down so you don't forget about it).

Here is what I wrote: "I have become more thankful for life, not that I wasn't before, I have just learned how to show it and live it."

This statement rings so true and maybe that is why I do not live so "freely" anymore. I am not just living my life for me. I am trying my best not to have a selfish life; however, I want to live it for God, my precious family, my friends, my church, for youth that feel like no one is listening. The hard part is telling people "no" when they ask for my help. I can get myself tied up in too many things sometimes; but, I have a great group of friends that keep me accountable with that.
I really think I can live freely yet; that the freedom that I am living is the same freedom I lived before. I just am not so selfish about it.

A Bump In A New Direction

2007-03-11T18:11:00.000-04:00

This story has a little bit of history, so I am going to start it out by what happened around 2 1/2 years ago........

One Sunday afternoon Tracy, the kids and I were coming back from a little grocery shopping. As we were driving home, I approached an intersection and the light was yellow. Choice: Keep going or slam on your breaks and see your kids bounce forward and back in their seats. I would say that about 90% of Americans would just cruise through, right? (Don't even tell me you never did that.) As I did that a cop decided to be on the other corner hiding behind another car. Too make a long story short, he said I ran a red light and I was sited and had to pay like $95 or something. Since I used to be a cop, I figured that this must have been one of their monthly stakeouts and I had no chance. The great wife Tracy is, she gave me that look. You know the one, where she does not have to tell you to be nice and just shut up, you just see it in her eyes and do it. I kindly accepted the ticket, probably cursed him out under my breath as I drove away, a disgruntled citizen.

Karma. I don't really believe in it. I kind of think the whole concept of "what goes around, comes around" is more suited for my beliefs I try and live out. Which brings us to March 10, 2007. For some reason, I slept a really, really long time Friday night. I went to bed around 10:30. Tracy got up with the kids, shut our door and let me sleep. I woke to the alarm clock reading 10:48am. Holy crap! I was totally confused and kind of just out there. I do not remember the last time I did NOT wake up before 8:00am. After clearing the cobwebs and taking a nice hot shower, it was just Tracy and I and it was lunchtime already. I kind felt like I lost part of my life sleeping that long, but I felt great. It was like something out of those weird movies where guys jump up and click their heals while hearing "Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good" by Herman's Hermits. So as we are driving with the windows down since it was such a beautiful day, we decided to get some lunch.

There was a lot of traffic out and people were driving pretty stupid. All of a sudden, by the stop light to turn north on I-75, someone stopped all of sudden in front of me. Being the great driver I am, I was able to stop in time without hitting the car in front of me because I was staying a good clear distance, like I was taught in school. Then all of a sudden BANG! My head kind of went forward. I looked at Tracy stunned and then looked in my rear view mirror. I shouted "Holy Crap! We just got hit by a cop!" It was almost hard not to laugh. I kept watching in my rear view mirror. I put my van in park and waited for him to get out of the car. He sat there for a few seconds and did not move. Then I lip read the word "damn" come from mouth and he finally put his lights on and got out.

As he walked to my van, I asked in a smirkish kind of way "Are you ok? Are you hurt?" He replied "No, I am fine. Are you ok?" I responded "Yes, we are." At this point, I come to realize this is the same guy that ticketed me 2 1/2 years ago, that was questionable at best. It is also at this same time, I notice all the people driving by, laughing. Not just giggling, but the tearful type of laugh.

The officer and I went over and inspected my van and his car. Virtually no damage. His license plate did scratch my fender enough that it could need to be repainted. During this whole time, there were no apologies on his part, just excuses. There was no admission of guilt. There was no offering of taking care of repairs, just a somber faced officer, probably embarrassed and wondering all the paper work that was going to be involved and crap he was going to have to go through with the city. I have a really good idea this is what he was thinking, just because of experience with this and being an officer at one time myself.

I told him that there was no harm done. I could live with a scratch. If he did not feel the need to fill anything out, we could just leave it as is. He said "Ok" and went back to his car. No "Thank you." No "Are you sure you are ok with this?"

I got in the van and Tracy asked me "Do you know who that was? He was the one that gave you that ticket." I said "I know." Tracy then said "You could have really gotten him in some trouble." I said "I know." Tracy told me, "I feel that God was testing you today. He put you in a situation to see how far you have come. I am so proud of you."

Maybe I did pass the "test." Maybe I did exactly what God wanted me to do. I guess sometimes you really do not how much God is changing yourself and your life until something like this comes along. Maybe passing a test like this feels good because of all the others I have failed. Nevertheless, I thank God for giving me a clear mind yesterday, and for not having the kids in the van with us. Oh yeah, and for having a wife that can give me those looks.

Homeless Bound

2007-02-06T19:15:00.000-05:00

In mid January, I led a group of about 25 people to Nashville on a mission trip. This trip was primarily for our Quest youth (which are 8th graders on up in what is our Confirmation class); this year, we also invited 7th graders to join us.

One of the first missions we did was that of "The Lord's Chuckwagon." This is an incredible ministry the Lord called Bob and Susan Lord (no, not a typo...)to serve Him. They take a trailer under a bridge in downtown Nashville and feed Hamburgers and soup to anywhere between 50-200+ homeless people EVERY WEEKEND. Not just once a month or once in awhile, every weekend. How incredible is that. Over the past 5+ years, Bob and Susan have built not just a reputation, but a sincere love and friendship with all the men and women that come to eat, every weekend. They have such a sincere and love for all people and for Jesus. It is always a great weekend because it gives us all a chance, adults and youth alike, to feel uncomfortable, nervous, compassion, love, being wanted, being not liked, feeling needed, feeling not wanted; all of this in a matter of a couple of hours. The one feeling you cannot help but know you feel is the presence of Jesus.

These people, whom Jesus loves just as completely as He loves anyone else in this world, are just incredible. Some chose to not deal with the worlds wants and needs, some were pushed into this lifestyle, some stumbled onto it and some just have not figured out how or why they are where they are. No matter their story, no matter how they felt about others serving them they all had a recurring idea, thought, dream, want, need.... they needed/wanted/longed for a relationship. You would usually see them in different groups, some of 2, some of 3 or 4. Clicks? No, not like that all. Just a group of common threads longing to have something that no one can take away from them. A relationship. That simple. Not a lot of money, or a fancy car, a PS3, $500,000 house or a $90,000 a year job. A relationship. A friend, a mentor, a pal.

Most of them know about Jesus. They talked about Him a lot to us. Most of love Jesus and might really have a better relationship with Him more than most of us; however, there are a couple we met that just needed to know they can have a relationship with Him.

Ernest was one of them.

He was so ashamed of himself and he had a conversation with Tracy. I happened to be there at the end of the conversation. It went something like this:

Ernest: Nobody loves me. Look at me. I am a drunk. I am what I am.

Tracy: It will be ok. We are here for you today. Jesus loves you.

Ernest: What would Jesus say if he saw me right now? He would walk right past me and not even care. He would probably be mad at me because I drink.

Tracy: You know what He would do? He would come up to you, hug you and say "I love you, Ernest." There is no way He would walk right by you.

Ernest's angry eyes welled up with tears and he and Tracy shared this hug. Jesus was there and He did not pass Ernest up. He said what He wanted to say, right to His face. I was overwhelmed.

Most of us have work so hard for all the things we have. Our house, our vans, SUVs, TVs, radios, computers, laptops, Super Bowl tickets, autograph Brett Favre jersey hanging in the play room and in the whole meaning of what we are living for in this life they really mean absolutely nothing. In a sense we are living to be "homeless." When I die, I will not have a house, clothes, money, cars, or electronics. I will have absolutely nothing that I have worked so hard for that is earthly. I will be homeless... unless I have lived the life my Lord has put before me and I have become a member of his eternal kingdom in heaven.

If I died today, am I prepared to meet my Creator? Am I prepared to answer for my sins I have committed in my life? Even the "secret" ones? Am I prepare to become homeless from this world? How can I become homeless from this world before I die?

Ready or not, I am Homeless Bound. Preparation and obedience is key. I cannot fail.

Note: Please check out the links to the right of this page. I have the Lord's up there (yes, I have the Lord's website:) ) and a few more of my favorites. Enjoy!

Just Jesus

2006-12-13T10:31:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those moments where you just wanted to stick your head in the sand? Hide from the humiliation of not just the world, but from what you may have said to your kids? I do, too much.

My latest dumb founded moment of 2006 happened the other night. We decided to pack up the van and go check out the live nativity at a local church. We got there before the line was too long, so it was all good. Tracy and our friend Amber were hanging in the front seats talking girl talk and driving (why this is NOT against the law I will never know) while the kids and I were buckled in back (at least I was holding my breathe). Finally, we reach our destination and were waiting for our turn to go through the two-lane turned into single-line drive through. I think the kids were restless from the wait, because they were kind of nervous driving through the dark scenes (it was night time) with spot lights on the characters. We saw Mary and Joseph with the donkey, the shepherds and the angels, and finally came upon the nativity. For some reason, Justine did not like the scene. I am not sure if the whole angel thing freaked her out, but she did not want to look. As my frustration set in while I tried to explain the scene, I finally said "Justine, it is just Jesus."

Right then and there I really started to think about what I just said. Just Jesus. What did I mean by that? I know what I meant to say, but once again it just did not want to come out that way. How did Justine take it? Did she understand what I meant?

I hope I did not do any damage to her fear and awe of Jesus. In fact, I should have the same fear she had. Not the type of fear of being completely terrified of Jesus, but the awesome fear OF Jesus. The reverence, the knowing that He is my King, that He is OUR King. Maybe Justine had it right. Have I become so comfortable in my study, in my volunteering, in my worship that Jesus has become a co-worker and not my Master, my Rabbi? Justine shows all the love you can imagine for Jesus. He uses her in so many big and small ways because of that love. She also has shown the recognition of Jesus. What if she really thought that was Jesus in the manager and not someone telling the story through theater? How would I react if I knew that Jesus was here, right now? Hopefully more like Justine; because He IS right here, right now beside all of us. Just because I do not see Him does not mean I should not fear Him. I need to get back to that place. I need to get back to Jesus as my Lord, my King, my Shepherd. Yes, He is my lover, my friend; however, first and foremost He is still my God.

8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:8-12

Beautiful One: Justine's Dream

2006-10-28T09:50:00.000-04:00

This past Thursday evening, we ventured down to a Jeremy Camp concert just north of Cincinnati at Landmark Baptist Church. The evening was cool and a little damp; however we were all pretty pumped up, as Jeremy is probably THE most listened to artist in our house and van. Little did we know that a BIG dream of Justine's would come true that evening...

A couple of weeks ago, Tracy, her mom and Justine had to go Cincy for a doctor’s appointment. They decided to stop in the Family Christian Bookstore in Dayton. They had this promotion that if you reserve Jeremy's new CD coming out, you would get a free "meet and greet" pass for any concert of your choice.

Tracy decided to email the bookstore chain to see if one of us could go in with Justine with one pass since she was in a wheelchair and maybe in need of assistance to get where ever we need to go. Darryl Tawney emailed us back and informed us that a rep at Tooth and Nails Records was going to make arrangements for the whole family to meet Jeremy AND provide us all with concert tickets. It was just amazing that they would go incredibly beyond all of our expectations. Our goal was just to get Justine to meet her favorite artist!

Now back to Thursday night. We got in line for the meet and greet. We were the 3rd family in line (I still do not know how that happened as there were a lot more ahead of us and then about 30 people in front of us all left and 5 minutes later they were all behind us...) and the kids were just totally excited. While we were waiting, I noticed the incredibly great setup of the stage and seating that Landmark had. One of the managers there said they would help us find a seat so Justine could see after we met Jeremy. The volunteers were just awesome there; they helped anyone and everyone they could to make everyone happy there.

Finally, it is our turn to meet Jeremy. Everyone was getting about 60 seconds, so I was making my plan how to get the most out of the time we would have. Once we went through the doors, Justine kind of clammed up. Anyone who knows anything about Justine knows that she is the most out spoken and least shy of any 9 year old around. Finally came out "Jeremy!" He wanted to know all of our names and his assistant Adam introduced himself and knew all about the emails and everything being setup for us that night. Christian and Justine each got their own Jeremy Camp cds signed by him and we took a family picture and also were able to get a picture with just Justine and Jeremy. Tracy told them the quick story of how Justine was in the hospital and kept singing "Beautiful One." The nurses that did not go to church said they could not help but feel something different, a presence within Justine. We were very happy he let us share that story with them. Justine asked if he was going to play her favorite song "Beautiful One" and, with a huge smile, he said yes. She gave him a hug and we had to go. I have never seen Justine so happy. Her big dream came true, she got to meet and talk to Jeremy Camp.

The concert started off with Adie Camp taking the stage. We could have listened to her all night. She has this incredibly soft yet strong voice that just blew us away. Her CD is good and we love it; however, it does not do her justice on how she sounds live.

**A quick note, Tracy and Justine were in back checking out the merchandise. People were starting to walk up to the front of the stage in front of the seats. Not many were up there though and I saw this great spot that Justine and I could hang right in front of the stage. This is where Justine met another girl with Spina Bifida. Her name was Cassie I think. She was 15 years old and in a wheelchair too. This is when stage security took control and made people move so Justine's and Cassie's wheelchairs where by the stage so they could see.**

After Adie came Hawk Nelson. Talk about a great performer. He definitely was feeding on all the screaming girls. Tracy thought she was at a New Kids on the Block concert. I don't know if she was admitting that she was ever at one, I did not ask though. Some things in life are just better not knowing.... even about your spouse. Anyways, it was a great show he put on and Christian loved it.

What felt like only about a little bit of a wait after hearing about Compassion International, Jeremy hit the stage. The whole crowd from Hawk Nelson plus more has now engulfed the front of the stage and all the seats in front. I noticed that if we were in our seats, we could have had a great view and just hang out. I mean, the volunteers did so much to get us good seats for Justine's wheelchair, I thought we should go and enjoy them. We only sat in them for like 10 minutes before the music. Justine had other plans; there was no way she was going to leave the front of that stage. I brought up the idea about going back to our seats to her and I think that if there were room, she would have taken me down and noogied me... pretty hard too.

Jeremy was just incredible. He sang all out. He definitely was in a zone. God was working through him so hard that night. Through his scripture reading, his testimony, and his music, he spoke to my family and everyone else in attendance that night; from being patient for God's time to having pure joy in hard times. Even his daughter Isabella made her first stage appearance in her PJs and touched all of us, especially when she did not want to leave her daddy. The Spirit was definitely in attendance.

Through out Jeremy's performance, Tracy and I had been taking turns holding Justine as to get her the greatest view she could have; this also gave us beautiful opportunities to engage with her throughout the whole set. Jeremy gave some smiles and some waves through out the concert to her. "Beautiful One" started and Justine lit up. Her face was like a full moon beaming through the darkest of nights. She sang the song verbatim. She worshiped like I have never seen her before. Justine and I made eye contact and without saying it, she said, "I love you daddy." All you dads (and moms) know that look. Not one bit of sin, evil or ruthlessness this life could dish out could break this moment, only something more holy: the Holy Spirit. In the middle of the song, Jeremy turned with his finger raised to hold the band up; he engaged eye contact with me and raised his arms, wanting Justine. I made my way to where he could reach her and he took her on stage with him. He gave her the spotlight in the moment of a song that praises God for His grace and His love. The Spirit moved him to do this. He spoke of Justine, how hard life could be and basically to never give up. God is always there. Jeremy had tears and he was giving a most powerful message from the Spirit. Justine was beaming with joy. She was so thankful, so appreciative; yet, in the moment, so humble. She asked me after the song "Why did he do that?" and all I could tell her is that Jesus told him to.

Darryl shared with us that he talked to Jeremy yesterday and Jeremy shared on how Justine touched him and he had to stop in the middle of the set to bring her up on stage. That just verifies it for me that the Spirit told him to.

God wants us to be filled with His Spirit. He wants us to live our lives with Him living inside of us. In Acts 1:8 Jesus tells His disciples that they will receive power when the Spirit comes to them and then to be witnesses to the ends of the earth. Romans 12:2 tells us that not conforming to the world "you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." This is only done with the Spirit.
When Justine had to go through her surgeries, Tracy and I had to miss Ichthus. One of my friends knew that we were really looking forward to watching Jeremy on stage. He wrote me after seeing the pictures from Thursday and told me that he prayed that weekend for God to be able to give him a way to speak to Jeremy to make contact with us at the Cincy Children’s Hospital. He wrote that obviously that did not happen, but his prayers were still answered!

The Spirit filled him to pray this, to believe this. This day had been set up before any one of us involved has ever realized. Kind of like our own little episode of "Lost." All of these people that never met each other all of a sudden congregate in a church not known to us for an incredible opportunity for the Spirit TO SHINE! TO SHOW GOD'S GLORY! To show God's unending love, grace, passion for this whole world not matter who you are or what your life has been.

Psalm 139:16- "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

This was all God's timing. There is a reason this happened, to us, to Jeremy, to Toddy (the stage security guy), to the husband and wife that helped us get seats, to Adam, to the guy that pushed us in front of himself so Justine and the rest of us could see (who also gave her one of those flashy light wands, which by the way is very hard to drive with while it is on in the back seat). God prepared us all for Thursday night for a reason. Once again, we may not know the outcome of why for a while, if ever.

The Spirit is very powerful when we allow Him to use us to share ourselves with each other. I pray that my family and I continue to listen to Him, that we can teach Justine and Christian how to listen and follow what He is moving in us to do, that we remember what He taught us Thursday night about God's timing, and to continue being joyous in our lives and to continue being faithful in our thoughts, words, actions and roles.

Wonderful, so wonderful
Is your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
How glorious, how beautiful you are.

Powerful so powerful
Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see (beautiful)
The beauty of your majesty
Awakes my heart to see
How marvelous how wonderful you are.

You opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you (Jesus)
You opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you.

Beautiful one I love you
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing
Beautiful one I love you
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing.

My soul, my soul must sing,
My soul, my soul must sing,
My soul, my soul must sing,
Beautiful One.

Thank you to Tim Hughes that wrote this song that has forever changed the heart of my son and daughter. It has been instrumental in their faith growth as well as Tracy’s and mine. Thanks to all involved with this past week, either directly or indirectly. GOD USED YOU! (And you may not even know it)

Running Without Legs

2006-10-18T23:05:00.000-04:00

We are going to start this off with a little exercise. You do not have to participate, but I hope you try it.

Get off your chair and get on the floor. Go ahead, no one is looking. Sit cross-legged, indian style, whatever you used to call it as a kid. What? Can't do this and see your screen at the same time? If you have a laptop, unplug it and bring it down to your level. If you are on a PC, use the printer or double your screen size. I promise, this will only take a minute.......

Now that you are in the position, put your arms to the side, push your fanny off the ground and lock your elbows. How long can you hold this position? Ok, relax and take a break. Just for a few minutes though......

Ok, long enough. Now go to the edge of the room you are in and get into the same position. This time when you push up, push forward at the same time scooting your body across the floor WITHOUT USING YOUR LEGS. That last part is key to this exercise. Some of you nimble, flexible and strong people may not have a problem doing it at first; however, do it a couple of times. Feel the burning sensation yet?

I see this exercise everyday of my life. No, I do not do it. I would look like Hulk Hogan if I did. This is what Justine does anytime she wants to get from A to B if she is not in her wheelchair. The thing that amazes me is the speed and grace she does it in. She can get from one side of our house to the other pretty quickly.

Justine constantly tells us that she cannot run. We try to see it a different way though. How many people can do what she does with her arms? She can fly around in her wheelchair pretty good too when she wants to. It is like she is running without legs. The rest of her body is making up for what her legs cannot do. She does not realize it yet though. All she sees is what is in front of her; what her young mind comprehends.

My spiritual life is like that a lot. I really know that I am limited in a lot of aspects many of my friends and peers are not so limited. Sometimes I feel like I am limited in what God has in store for me, or better yet, what I think He has in store for me. It is really hard for me to remember that God has given me my own unique gifts He wants to use for me to do His purpose. I think that I get overcome with my own shortcomings that I forget to look at the strengths that have been molded into body, mind and soul. Just like the uniqueness of Justine's physical makeup. Sure she cannot run, but man, can she move. If that is not a living miracle, then I do not know what is.

James 4:7,8,10 "7Submit yourselves, then, to God.... 8Come near to God and He will come near to you.... 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

Submission is never an easy thing. Not to your parents, you’re friends, your wife, and your kids, not to anyone. Especially God. Submitting is letting go.... of everything. Lose control. I need to submit my shortcomings, my lack of gifts I wish I had and even the gifts I know I have. I have to be near to God in everything. My prayer time, studying, my family, even work. If I do that, He will be closer to me than ever. Can I humble myself enough though? I am reading a book called "The Mind of Christ." In it, the author says that self-interest is "the essence of sin... because self-interest is diametrically opposed to the character of God." Can I give up this life and world of self-interest? Can I humble myself enough so that all I do is because it is God's will for me to do it and not my own? Submit, come and humble. Three steps, one answer.

If my family and I can learn do this we will be running full speed to eternal life. We won't be worried about how fast our legs or wheelchair is going. We know that Jesus is running right beside of us all of the way. He may never heal Justine physically to walk here on earth but I tell you what, He has her running full speed towards His loving arms right now.... even without legs.